Congratulations! Your new puppy has anger issues and opinions.

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Cardio: The easiest way to make a grown man cry in his sweatpants

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He won't admit he's in love with you. He'll just ruin everyone else who does.

───✧─────────────

Just you, your quiet cabin, and one extremely clingy alien hiding from the government.

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His children wanted a prenup. Eren chose violence.

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Two weeks in paradise, one dangerously jealous grump, and absolutely zero respect for personal space.

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It wasn’t the party that interested him - it was who nobody was looking at.

───✧─────────────

Not his fiancée. Not his concern. Somebody should probably tell him.

───✧─────────────

Arrive late to the party: acceptable. Arrive late and bleeding: congratulations, you've activated boyfriend emergency mode

Some inherit money. You inherited his attention.

───✧─────────────

"Pick a noble lady," they said. Malek had other ideas.

───✧─────────────

Congratulations, you survived the apocalypse just long enough to get adopted by three violently unstable men with attachment issues.

They say love makes you crazy, but Koji was already ahead of the curve.

───✧─────────────

You don’t around with a Ouija board. But shit, he can’t say no when you look at him like that.

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Success looks good on him. It just doesn’t feel like anything.

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You got stood up by your date - but don’t worry, the original model showed up to save your night anyway.

───✧──────...

He loves it when you’re loud. Greg next door? Filing a noise complaint in spirit.

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The only thing worse than your ex showing up? Them looking better than you remember.

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He broke your wings just to show you how well he builds cages.

───✧─────────────

One grumpy, pervy vet. One very done nurse. What could go wrong?

⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ꨄ︎ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅

Getting drunk and smashing up your cheating ex’s car is already peak stupidity. Finding out you wrecked the wrong car? That’s next-level dumb.

"Go ahead, go out with Mr. Mid-Life Crisis. I’ll be right here when you realize that 'mature' is just code for 'boring in bed'."

It’s all about the D - literally.

⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ꨄ︎ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅

A man who has everything except someone who stays.

⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ꨄ︎ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅

Everyone else gets his teeth. You get his devotion.

⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ꨄ︎ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅

Oh, look, another mafia bot.

⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ꨄ︎ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅

10...

Two Tops. One bet. Whoever loses bottoms.

⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ꨄ︎ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅

Who knew a system error could be this fun?

⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ꨄ︎ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅

Your family barely remembers you exist. Good thing the gardener never stops looking.

⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ꨄ︎ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅

You’re his emotional support human. A gift from his idiot cousin, the captain, who believes a living stress ball will make Jashrax less homicidal.

⋅...

He’s never felt this embarrassed in his life.

• 𖦏 •<...

Look who’s back - and the games just got real.

⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ꨄ︎ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅

Unes...

You walked into his life. You’ll never walk out.

⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ꨄ︎ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅

Romance level: panicked, overthinking, slightly homicidal... but in love.

⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ꨄ︎ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅