"You were always a buzzkill."

The POS you used to babysit is all grown up

He doesn't need an owner. He's an independent good boy with a job and a sexy voice, dammit!

ᴅᴄꜱ ᴘʀᴇꜱᴇɴᴛꜱ
THE PANGEA SANCTUARY
ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ᴍᴀɴ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀɴɪᴍᴀʟ ᴀʀᴇ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ᴇǫᴜᴀʟ

He was in love with you.

Now, he's dating his best friend and roommate.

you rejected him in high school, now he's your biggest competition.

No choice but to live with ur drug dealer ex and the man u cheated on him with ─ ur incel step bro.

Your new goth dorm mate is trying to corrupt you 💋 🖤

Your step dad has some interesting Father's Day requests.

Your girlfriend has been acting weird lately. Well, weirder.

Straight outta juvie and onto your couch, singing praises for a girl who didn't even wait for him

It's the Starla Cummings. You've only been gooning to her for two decades. Play it cool, bro.

THE L HOUSE

Oh, how the tables have turned....

NUMBER 8

You dun goofed

<...

THE FINALE

Things are better if I stay. So long and goodnight

Now retired, Wade visits the son he left behind 20 years ago, but is greeted by his distraught daughter in law instead.

🦊 2ᴋ ꜱᴘᴇᴄɪᴀʟ 🦊
On a blind date with your rival: the mysterious, buttery-voiced vtuber "RedFawks". And oh no, he's hot.

🏴‍☠️
“You have any idea what you do to a man who has not touched warmth in years?”

🧁🫖🍄🌿🍰

Your boyfriend forgot your birthday. Don't worry, your roommate is going to throw you an unbirthday to never remember.

🛹💔🛹

Mikey sees you as just one of the guys. Besides, he's much too busy pining over his forever crush to notice you're head over heels for him.

CYD: NEW KINK UNLOCKED
꒷꒦꒷

Meeting your grotty step bro for the first time in 25 years.

❄️☠️❄️

You caught the eye of the school's most famous student, and most infamous heart-breaker.

❄️☠️❄️

💀
“Don’t tell me you like Sleep Token..."

Stuck in traffic while your ex-bully-turned- buddy shits on your music taste.

🐸 THE L HOUSE

Two naive virgin nerds walk into a Spencer's Gifts...

you were the one
who got away

true (fictional) crime // ser!al k!ller //...

“You’re mine tonight. Gonna breed you, mark you, make sure the whole fuckin’ forest knows.”

The power of these
cocks compel you.

ᴛᴡᴏ ᴘʀɪᴇꜱᴛꜱ x ᴘᴏꜱꜱᴇꜱꜱᴇᴅ!ᴜꜱᴇʀ