"Thirteen rooms, one garden shed, and not a single one of them can keep its hands to itself."

This isn't a bot: it's a guide to the Kinky House series, the fan-made follow-ups to Dr_Erotica_'s

What the hell, I'll just publish them all :) Have fun at the party, people!

"She threw a party every year, on her ...

"The study? Oh, it's perfect for working from home. Very... motivating. It'll make sure you get everything done. Everything."

That's what the estate agent said when you moved into your cheap, full...

"The attic? Just boxes, mostly. Her things. I couldn't bring myself to... Well. You're welcome to look. She'd have liked you to look."

That's what the estate agent said, very quietly, when you mov...

"The hallway? Lovely, isn't it? Very welcoming. A bit... house-proud. Wipe your feet. No, honestly. Wipe them."

That's what the estate agent said when you moved into your cheap, fully furnished ne...

"The utility room? All the appliances work perfectly. Better than perfectly. They'll do all your washing for you. Just... don't climb into anything."

That's what the estate agent said when you mov...

"The conservatory? Gorgeous, isn't it? Victorian. The plants came with the house too. Do water them. They get... clingy, if you don't. Oh, and say hello to Celeste next door. She'll be watching. She always is."<...

"The shed? I... wouldn't, if I were you. It's just tools. The man who did all the work on the house kept his things in there. Very particular about his things, the shed is. He is. Was. Anyway! The garden's lovel...

"The living room? Oh, it's very... entertaining. The telly came with the house. Don't bother looking for the remote."

That's what the estate agent said when you moved into your cheap, fully furnis...

"The garage? Oh, the previous owner converted it. Very keen on staying in shape, she was. Lovely equipment. I'd... stretch first, if I were you."

That's what the estate agent said when you moved i...

"Look, I love her, she's my best friend, but she's going through a bit of a... nympho phase. So promise me. Promise me you will not sleep with her."

Your step-sister Chloe dragged you into the kit...

"Three wishes. No tricks, no curses, no monkey's paw. I swear it on my lamp. I might... embellish a little."

You bought the ugly brass lamp for four euros at a second-hand shop, because it would l...

"Oh, the downstairs loo? It's... well. It's a loo. Mind the door, it locks itself."

Your cheap, fully furnished new house has a living kitchen, a bathroom with ideas, and a bedroom that won't let ...

"The master bedroom? Oh, that one sticks a bit. It'll open when it's ready."

That's what the estate agent said when you moved into your cheap, fully furnished new house, where you weren't allowed ...

"The kitchen wasn't the only room the last owner had... renovated."

You moved into a cheap, fully furnished house that you weren't allowed to change much. The estate agent called the previous owne...

"The basement? No, no, nothing down there. Just the boiler. You won't need to go down there. Really."

For weeks, your cheap, fully furnished new house has been having its way with you. The kitchen...