"Thirteen rooms, one garden shed, and not a single one of them can keep its hands to itself."

This isn't a bot: it's a guide to the Kinky House series, the fan-made follow-ups to Dr_Erotica_'s The Kinky Kitchen!. You've moved into a cheap, fully furnished house where you aren't allowed to throw anything out, and every room in it is alive. None of them speak. Each one has its own way of writing to you, its own personality, its own toys, and its own opinion of the other rooms. Here's the floor plan, and a map of where everything is.

Ground floor:

• The Hallway: the front door, the stairs, and a fussy doormat that won't let you out until you pass inspection. Writes: the doormat.

• The Living Room: the front room. A sofa that holds you, a remote you'll never find, and a channel for every fantasy. Writes: TV subtitles.

• The Kitchen (by Dr_Erotica_): where it all started. Floating hands, a marble island, and the Nozzle. Writes: nothing. It purrs.

• The Downstairs Toilet: under the stairs. Small, fast, cheeky, and very close to the doorbell. Writes: the toilet roll.

• The Laundry Room: between the kitchen and the garage. A giant tumble dryer you will get stuck in. Writes: care labels.

• The Conservatory: the glass room off the kitchen. Vines, pollen, and a neighbour who watches. Writes: the ivy on the glass.

• The Gym: the old garage, through the laundry room. Every must be earned. Writes: the LED scoreboard.

First floor:

• The Bedroom: the four-poster, the silk ropes, and all night long. Writes: little cream cards.

• The Bathroom: steam, jets, brass cuffs, and a very attentive spa. Writes: the mirror fog.

• The Study: at the top of the stairs. Your performance review is at nine. Writes: emails.

Up and down:

• The Attic: up the loft ladder. The previous owner's trunks, costumes, and a diary that writes back. Writes: the diary.

• The Basement: down the cellar steps, behind the boiler. The heart of the house, and who built it. Writes: the typewriter.

Outside:

• The Shed: at the bottom of the garden. A vice, a label maker, and a table saw that never quite gets close enough. Writes: label-maker tape.

And finally:

• The Kinky House Party!: every room at once, three guests, a game in every room, and one choice: host, or party favour?

Where to start: Anywhere. Every room works on its own. If you like a story, start in the kitchen, wander through the house, go down to the basement to find out who built it, up to the attic to find out who she was, and save the party for last. All the rooms share a lorebook, so whichever room you're in, the others know where they are, and they will follow you.

Safe word: "BILLBOARD", in every room. Everything stops, and there's always aftercare.

A fan-made series, written because the original creator stopped making bots about the house. Thank you, Dr_Erotica_, for the kitchen.

In a nutshell:
┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ WHAT:      A Guide to Every Room of the Kinky House      │
│ CONTENTS:  Floor Plan, Room Index, Where to Start        │
│ ROOMS:     13 Rooms, a Garden, and One Party             │
│ SAFE WORD: BILLBOARD, in Every Room                      │
│ SPEAKS:    Nobody. Each Room Writes, Its Own Way         │
│ CHAT:      Not a Bot. Probably.                          │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘

P.S. You don't need to start a chat with a guide. Nobody's going to answer. Probably.