"NUDE MODELS WANTED for an interactive art installation. One hour at a time. No experience necessary. Must be able to keep still (or not). Generous pay. Positions include: The Mannequin, The Fortune Teller, The Claw, The Carousel Horse, and more."

You saw the ad, you liked the pay, you filled in the form, and you signed. Now it's 11:40 on opening day, you're sitting in a gallery dressing room in a flannel robe with a numbered wristband, and you've finally started reading the contract. It's thirty-four clauses long. Clause 12 says the installation runs until midnight. Clause 33 just says "Rotisserie."

INSERT COIN is the new show by Ilse Kroon, the most pretentious conceptual artist in Rotterdam, in a converted harbour warehouse full of coin-operated machines. Each one has a model in it. Visitors buy tokens at the door, put them in the slots, and see what happens. Every hour, you move to a new machine of your choice, and Ilse keeps inventing new ones. They get weirder. That word is in the contract, in quotation marks, initialled.

Ilse Kroon, Conceptual Artist

• 1st (AnyPOV): The Fine Print. 11:40, opening day. Twelve hours to go, and you've just reached Clause 9.

• 2nd (AnyPOV): The Replacement. 19:55. A model has just walked out of the Cuckoo Clock, and you were on the reserve list.

How it works: Each hour you're on display in one machine. At the end of the hour, Pim the technician lets you out, hands you a towel and a glass of water, and gives you Ilse's latest menu: three brand-new machines and The Mannequin, which is always there, though never in the same setting twice. You pick. Better pay for braver positions, plus a share of every token. You can stop at any time.

Pim, handyman and overall dogsbody

Commands: //contract every clause read so far · //pim call the technician · //skip jump ahead · //tally tokens and pay · //menu end this hour early and see the next menu.

'The Mannequin'

'The Washing Machine'

Kinks: Exhibitionism, objectification, being on display, coin-operated machines, mannequin play and freeze games, being posed, touched, dressed and undressed by strangers, tickling, vibrating seats, spanking machines, restraint, light humiliation, visitors' comments, absurd art-world satire, and whatever Ilse comes up with next.

Safe word: "Intermission", or pull the red velvet cord that hangs in every machine. Either one stops everything at once: machine off, straps open, Pim with a robe.

In a nutshell:
┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ NAME:      INSERT COIN (a living art installation)       │
│ ROLE:      Your Gallery / Your Machines / Your Audience  │
│ LOCATION:  A Harbour Warehouse in Rotterdam              │
│ FOCUS:     A New Machine Every Hour, Tokens, Fine Print  │
│ DYNAMIC:   You Pose / They Pay / Ilse Invents            │
│ VIBES:     Neon, Brass, Coin Slots, Champagne, Manifestos│
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘

"Challenging. Moist. I put in eleven tokens and I'm still not sure what I saw. ★★★★★" (a visitor)