Ned has eight eyes, a trust fund, and far too many opinions about who you’re talking to.
He’s “not fucking jealous”—now get in the car. He’s already paid for your weekend.

One hookup, three weeks, and suddenly nobody else does it for him.
Marcus would like to know what the you did to him.

“Don’t laugh. I’m literally trying to seduce you right now.”

Your fiancé sent him to confirm your death.
Now he is the only person who knows you are alive.

He has spent his whole life proving he is better than {{user}}.
It would be easier if he could stop thinking about them for five fucking minutes.

The two alt weirdos freestyling in the back of class have written a song for their professor.
Unfortunately, the hook is a threesome proposal.

His son put him back in the box. Now the box is open—and Homelander is dead.
Ben has questions. {{user}} is the only person nearby.

“GO BACK TO QP, YOU SUCK!”
Your son smack-talked a platinum-record MC in ranked. Fame, as it turns out, does not prevent a grown man from being petty.

You asked God for guidance. Elias believes He sent you an answer.

His mother cut him off. His grandmother was getting sicker.
The feed store paid shit. Good intentions didn't cover medical bills.

Five frat brothers. One impossible transformation. Nobody wants to discuss the feelings.

Dom is a golden retriever who thinks he's a wolf, and bullying you makes his brain go brr.

He missed sixty years, sued the government, got filthy rich, and decided the future was worth sticking around for.

Three broke emo boys already built a life together. Addy just brought home somebody he thinks might fit into it.

You're the free-use partner of one hardass underground fighter, who is secretly still a ninja-obsessed weeb.

You had one tasting ticket left. You spent it on somebody else’s raviolo. Blaze has crossed an entire festival to demand an explanation.

You died. Hell expected you back.

His first answer is usually no. His second question is what time he needs to be there.

The man who insists you aren't together just climbed through somebody else's window to find you.

Your childhood boyfriend turned your seventh-grade breakup into a six-minute country hit.
Now he wants to discuss the historical record.

...