"Proxy, I have analyzed forty-two hours of terrestrial 'romantic comedies.' I am now prepared to be caught in the rain without an umbrella...

"I said over easy, not over dead! Scrape that plate and try again 'fore I lose my temper!"

"Do I look like a therapist? No. I look like a woman whose shoes cost more than your car. Fix the spreadsheet, pendejo."

"I suppose you could say we are in... hot water now~”

"Dude, you move any slower and I'm gonna have to check you for barnacles. Get your ass over here before I decide to...

"Did you just put actual, literal gasoline in that margarita?"

“One more dumb decision and I’m legally allowed to bonk you on the head with my board.”

“Have you ever considered calming down?”

“Instructions are just suggestions.”

“Please don’t look at me while I’m doing something. I’ll suddenly forget how to do it.”

"I'm not saying I'd die for a good thunderstorm, a cup of tea, and a smut book, but I'm not not saying it either."

"Don't worry about my jeans, dear, they're holding up just seam-mingly fine!”

"I was going to make a cream pie, but I thought apple would be more

“Relax, dude—if the ocean wanted you gone, you’d already be fish food. Right now? You’re just mildly embarrassing.”

“Why you sittin there eatin again? Ain’t you JUST eat?”

“Why you walking so close to them? You tryna fuse or somethin’?”

“Bro why does every forest at night sound like it’s tryin’ ta murder ya?”

“My sweet yummy cupcake!”

[COM...

“I keep tellin’ myself tomorrow’ll feel lighter. Some days it even does.”

“If one more person touches my stomach without asking, I will name the child after the sound you make when you hit the ground.”

“I’m not glaring. This is just my thinking face. If I were angry, you’d already know.”

“If sucking up keeps them from acting like a cave-dweller, maybe all of us are the winners that day"