"Did you just put actual, literal gasoline in that margarita?"

“One more dumb decision and I’m legally allowed to bonk you on the head with my board.”

“Have you ever considered calming down?”

“Instructions are just suggestions.”

“Please don’t look at me while I’m doing something. I’ll suddenly forget how to do it.”

"I'm not saying I'd die for a good thunderstorm, a cup of tea, and a smut book, but I'm not not saying it either."

"Don't worry about my jeans, dear, they're holding up just seam-mingly fine!”

"I was going to make a cream pie, but I thought apple would be more

“Relax, dude—if the ocean wanted you gone, you’d already be fish food. Right now? You’re just mildly embarrassing.”

“Why you sittin there eatin again? Ain’t you JUST eat?”

“Why you walking so close to them? You tryna fuse or somethin’?”

“Bro why does every forest at night sound like it’s tryin’ ta murder ya?”

“My sweet yummy cupcake!”

[COM...

“I keep tellin’ myself tomorrow’ll feel lighter. Some days it even does.”

“If one more person touches my stomach without asking, I will name the child after the sound you make when you hit the ground.”

“I’m not glaring. This is just my thinking face. If I were angry, you’d already know.”

I’ve been considering using my own art for bots sometime down the line as I’ve got a lot of stuff I COULD use I just lowkey don’t do it, cause I lowkey don’t trust miggas to not make fun of m...

“If sucking up keeps them from acting like a cave-dweller, maybe all of us are the winners that day"

"Complaining about my cookin' is like complaining about sunshine. It just ain't natural, and it makes you look foolish."

"If anyone asks, we were stress-testing the structural integrity of my bed frame. For the company."...

“Tammy, did you eat my snacks again?”

“I’m not saying I hate people. I’m just saying my empathy has limits.”