Almost thirty, a midlife crisis, and the woman from his past he never got over.

Congratulations, you've made a vampire. Unfortunately, you got the model with anger issues and a lifetime supply of knives.

He has plenty of reasons to fear you. Unfortunately, fear isn't the only thing you make him feel.

Your parents think he's a bad influence. He thinks that's the nicest thing anyone's said about him.

You play Rachmaninoff in concert halls. He plays three chords in basements. Neither of you thinks the other understands music.

He can negotiate with kingdoms. He has considerably less experience negotiating with his future wife.

He doesn't know how to say "I love you." So he says "You wanna get high and listen to The Dark Side of the Moon?" It means the same thing.

He conquered a continent so he could read in peace. You're the only one allowed to interrupt.

He's known you for six months. He's never seen your face. Today that changes. He's not ready.

He's the king of Lincoln High. You're the freak he can't stop thinking about. Biology partners. God help you both.