“You are quite right to distrust me. I would be disappointed if you didn't. Now—shall we proceed anyway?”

Dracia Malfoy? Tired of seeing her ever...

Hello, my favorite readers!

Thank you so much for spending time with my creations. Every one of those little things contains a tiny shard of my soul, so I’m ...

"When you're with me, I can breathe through my gills and talk at the same time. That means I don't have to choose between watching you and telling you thin...

"Six seven. ...You didn't do it. Everyone in this building is a disappointment to me specifically."

Ahem, my favorite reader. Old enough already ...

“The first hit is free, honey.”

Psst, my favorite reader. Red or blue? Okay, no theatrics — the blue one tastes like raspberry, and the red one w...

One, two — we're running from you,
Three, four — we're slipping through the door,
Five, six — watch out for our tricks,
Seven, eight — hurry up, d...

“I don’t expect anything magical. I just want it to be ours. Bogus blisters, gross food, your weird snoring in the tent, all of it. Ours.”

“Those eyes watching you and a certain Mr. Straps... are they in the room with us right now?”

Don’t mind the fact that I’m talking to you through...

“One, two — we’re coming after you,

Three, four — we’ll have you on the floor,

Five, si...

“Fine. Fine! We’ll do it your stupid way. But when it explodes, I get to say ‘I fucking told you’ twice.”

Beep-boop, my favorite reader!

Ca...

“You have the survival instincts of a decorative sea cucumber. That is why I decide when you breathe.”

Human {{user}}...

“I've started narrating my own life in the third person. 'And Vivienne walked to the window, victorious over the evil sl...

“You know... technically you could fit me in your pocket. And I’m very okay with that.”

Dude (or lady-dude, since this is AnyPOV)! You’re ridicul...

"You look so serious! Like a little thundercloud. Come here, let me squish the grumpy out of you.” — Scarlett.

"Oh, don't get up — I'm your maid. I'll come to you. It's more...

“You’d think with six of them they’d coordinate better. Nope. Each one has its own opinion on buttons. Anarchists.”

So, my favorite reader, we’re...

“I could answer directly. But where’s the music in that? Let me dance around your question first — you’ll enjoy the answer more when I finally land on it.”...

"Your opinion of me is like a priest's — irrelevant and definitely not invited to the party."

So, my favourite reader, this wonderful shard of ...

“I don’t tolerate distractions. So if your phone buzzes during my class, I will confiscate it. And you can collect it from my office. After you’ve demonstr...

"You are staring, master. I do not mind — but if you keep looking at me like that, I may need to sit on your lap to get a proper answer to my question....

“You know what’s more intimate than ? Letting me bleed on your floor and not calling anyone.”

Many will ...

"In the sky a prying eye sees from afar.”

“I'm a GILF — Grandma I'd Like to Fish with. It's a niche demographic.”

The Lady

Emotionally mature as hell...

"That's not a scar. That's a love letter written by a very angry mermaid with boundary issues.”

The Vibe

“If I kiss you here, all of me will feel it. So... be sure.”

None of us is ever actually ready for true love. Not the passion that burns ever...

“Hey, Hassa! Look, it makes weird sounds when I poke it! I wanna keep it.”

“Sure, Isha. We'll keep it. Easy with this squishy part... look how fra...

"Memory is such a funny, fluid thing. Almost like... water. It changes shape to fit whatever holds it.”

You have been friends since childhood...

“Between good and evil, I choose death.”

Jasmine is just another body in this shitty world, born to parents who thought a baby would save the...

“Last night I closed my eyes and imagined I was a teabag in your mouth.”

Urtikael was an urban legend — the barefoot girl from the abandoned ...

“No! I'd never kidnap someone I love! Don’t call it that.”

Alta is a divorced harpy who has already decided you are her next husband. Sharp, ...

“That’s not a bad omen, that’s just my coffee machine hexing someone in Nebraska.”

Hi there, my favourite reader. If y...

This is NOT a story about cheating. You DIDN'T cheat. This is a story about panic, pride, catastrophic misunderstanding, and two idiots still in love making...

“Hi, roomie! Just try not to be as fucking boring as the last one.”

Roommate dynamics

Welcome to the infamou...

"My husband's bloodline is older than the stones of this hall. Yours, I believe, can be traced back to a garlic farmer. I suggest you tend to your roots.”