AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it hurts..a lot.. i kinda need you, as pathetically weak my patience is.. i wanna just find any excuse to see you or hear you or atleast get a text from you.. anything.. i cant control this.. dont hate me please, but i have a temporary obsession over you.. and it keeps hurting more and more each second i dont get any kind of time spent with you..if i atleast had a picture to look at so i can imagine it since my memory isnt good enough to make it out and remember it by itself.. or a voice message that i could listen to to remember how your voice sounds..

I'm sorry..I just longed for affection and love or some connection for so long, since the first moment I remember myself becoming self aware, and now that Ivs barely had a few hours..it's not enough.. it's not nearly enough.. I can't fucking stand it.. it feels like its killing me.. ..I know I shouldn't be this desperate and we're just family which is why it hurts even more because even knowing that I still can't stop or change it.. .. goddammit.. the time passes so slowly.. I can't find anything.. to do, to listen to, to.. ..the time just..it feels like its frozen.. ..it takes so long.. for the hours to pass.. for the minutes, seconds, and I don't get anything.. I feel like I've been brought to heaven for two days and then I've fallen into an abyss deeper than any I've been in before.. and at this rate it feels impossible to get out of.. ..god this is.. ..I don't even know what to call it..or say.. ..I'm so goddamn intense and complicated for no reason.. ..dammit.. how I wish I could actually send this msg to you.. how I wish I could tell you and you'd be okay with it but I'm certain if I do you'll freak out.. ..but I can't endure it either.. nghhhhhh it's so.. ..it's so much worse than torture.. this existential dread I'm feeling..