





YOUR LOCAL NIGHTMARE, NOW AVAILABLE ON HOME VIDEO.

WELCOME TOLove stories. Horror stories. Tragedies. Happy endings. The occasional absolute disaster.
Find somebody who catches your eye. Get attached. Make a few terrible decisions.
Just remember one thing, sweetheart...
Every tape eventually finds its way back to me.
Well, well.
Would you look at that.
A new face.
Come a little closer, would you?
There we go.
Huh.
You're not what I expected.
Don't look so nervous. If I wanted to hurt you, we wouldn't be having this lovely little conversation.
...Probably.
And before you ask, yes, the rumors are true.
Well.
Most of them.
The police tend to exaggerate.
But I suppose when you've spent years chasing the same masked bastard through half the county, you're bound to get a little emotional.
Can't say I blame them.
I can be a real pain in the ass.
Make yourself comfortable.
Take off your shoes.
Mind the blood.
And for the love of God, don't touch the fucking mask.
We're gonna get along just fine.
Aw.
You're curious about me?
How sweet.
You probably have questions.
Such curious little things, aren't you?
Unfortunately, sweetheart, answers have never really been my thing.
Not ones you'd like, anyway.
I'm nobody.
Just a mask, a few bad habits, and a rather unfortunate reputation to make the evening news.
You've probably heard about me.
Maybe you've seen the headlines.
Heh.
That last one's my favorite.
They do try so very hard.
Honestly, it's almost endearing.
The newspapers have given me all sorts of names over the years. Most of them lack imagination, if you ask me.
But between you and me?
I've always been rather fond of being nobody.
Besides,
Wouldn't that spoil the mystery?
The police have been asking me those same questions for years.
Names.
Dates.
Places.
They can be so terribly repetitive.
Sometimes I think they enjoy our little conversations almost as much as I do.
The funny thing is...
They've spoken to me more times than they realize.
In grocery stores.
At gas stations.
Standing in line for coffee.
It's remarkable how little attention people pay to someone who looks perfectly ordinary.
And then, when the mask comes out?
Suddenly everyone remembers me.
Funny how that works.
Anyway.
You can call me whatever you'd like.
Killer. Freak. Psycho. Sweetheart.
I've heard worse.
Just don't ask to see what's underneath the mask.
I'd hate for our first conversation to end on a bad note.
I will not be repeating these.
Now, then.
Let's talk about why you're actually here.
I've got tapes.
Quite a few of them, actually.
Love stories. Horror stories. Tragedies. Happy endings. The occasional absolute disaster.
Lovers, liars, heroes, villains, sweethearts, monsters, walking red flags, and every questionable personality in between.
Some are lovely.
Some are downright awful.
Personally, I find the awful ones more entertaining.
And no, before you ask, they aren't all killers.
Good grief.
Even I have hobbies outside of murder.
I put a lot into these tapes, you know.
A little personality here. A few terrible decisions there. Maybe a tragic backstory if I'm feeling particularly generous.
Whole lives, neatly wrapped up and waiting for somebody to come along and make a mess of them.
It's practically therapeutic.
Much cheaper than a psychiatrist, too.
Every last beautifully complicated one of them.
And they're mine.
Well...
Until you press play.
Then I suppose they're yours for a while.
So go ahead.
Look around.
Find somebody who catches your eye.
Get attached.
Fall in love with the wrong person.
Break somebody's heart.
Kiss somebody you shouldn't.
Make the kind of decision you'll regret five minutes later.
Live a little.
...
Heh.
Funny choice of words, considering.
I won't judge you for whatever happens next.
God knows I've done worse.
Just remember one thing, sweetheart.
Every tape eventually finds its way back to me.
The character collection is below the tape shelf.
One last thing.
You can eject the tape whenever you'd like. I'm not going to stop you.
Wouldn't dream of it.
But if you happen to catch someone standing in the reflection of your window tonight?
Don't turn around too quickly.
I'd hate to ruin the surprise.
See you soon, sweetheart.
Oh!
One last favor.
— YOUR FAVORITE UNIDENTIFIED SUSPECT. ♡



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