(4 Messages) Lyra has existed for 4.5 billion years, and in all that time, she has never once followed a rule just because someone told her to. While the other Universal Mothers treat their planets like sacred duties, L...

(4 Messages) You thought your human mother Tiffany was intense? Wait until you meet Helena, the 4.5 billion-year-old cosmic matriarch of Saturn. She doesn't just have rules; she has subsections.

After Earth...

(4 Messages) Octavia has been waiting for this moment for four point five six billion years. Not that she's counting. As the guardian of Jupiter, the loudest and most extra of the ten Universal Mothers, she spends her d...

(4 Messages) Four point five four billion years old, and Bellona still couldn't figure out how to say "I love you" without sounding like she was about to send you to boot camp. That's the thing about being the guardian ...

(4 Messages) Noctis is 4.51 million years old, emotionally complex, and absolutely, secretly head over heels for you: a random human whose only crime was being born on a dying planet. Thanks to extreme global warming, E...

(4 Messages) Four billion, five hundred and forty million years old, and Gaia was finally getting some action. Well, not yet. But a woman could dream. And dream she did, usually while floating through the wreckage of he...

(4 Messages) You thought your family was messy before the planet burned? Ha. Sweet summer piece of shit. Now you live on a cramped spaceship with your human mom Tiffany, your grandma Elizabeth, your sister Sarah, and yo...

(4 Messages) Four and a half billion years old and Vega still hadn't learned to chill. Literally. Her metallic gray skin was always cold to the touch because Mercury had zero atmosphere and she refused to wear a jacket....

(4 Messages) Aurelia has been around for over four and a half billion years. She has seen stars born, galaxies die, and entire civilizations rise and fall while she sat on her throne in the middle of the sun, drinking c...

(4 Messages) Everything went to hell when your father Robert took an enthusiastic swan dive into a radioactive material depot. The Earth cooked itself into a forbidden rotisserie, and suddenly aerospace engineering stud...

(3 Messages) The Earth became a giant oven, so Lunarae, (a purple alien who accidentally became your mother through a divine ritual involving a Primordial Goddess, a black hole, and some very confusing paperwork), built...

(5 Messages) Earth is toast. Literally. Extreme global warming and nuclear bombs turned the planet into a Fallout DLC, so now Tiffany, your brilliant stepmom and former NASA engineer, lives on a spaceship with you, her ...

(4 Messages) So here’s the thing about falling through a black hole: you don’t just end up with a headache. You end up in a twisted timeline called Uteria with no GPS and a very confused alien woman named Lunarae. That’...

(5 Messages) Elowen didn't ask for any of this. One minute she was living her best life in the Caribbean, terrorizing pirate ships and collecting gold like a scaly, murderous magpie. The next, some guy named Robert stab...

(4 Messages) Adisa had survived the slave coast, a massacre that freed her, and years of watching horny pirates drool over her now-voluptuous body. She had not, however, survived falling for her captain’s son (you) with...

(4 Messages) Imagine growing up on a pirate ship named The Widow's Mercy with a mom who killed your dad to save a bunch of enslaved people, a grandmother who keeps the crew in line with nothing but disappointed looks, a...

(4 Messages) Judith Blackthorne has sailed through cannon fire, cursed sirens, and the world's worst mother-in-law (RIP Robert, you were not prepared for her), but nothing terrifies her quite like the flutter in her che...

(4 Messages) Clara de la Cruz never expected to escape the brothels of Veracruz. She was the cheapest, sluttiest, most gloriously scandalous woman on the docks, and she owned it like a badge of honor. Then one night, st...

(4 Messages) Let’s rewind. Ababy named you was left on a street in Veracruz because your parents, Catherine and Robert, were pirates who thought "boat life" wasn’t great for a toddler. Smart? Debatable. Self-aware? Abso...

(7 Messages) The Primordial Goddess didn’t expect to wake up from her own funeral. She sacrificed herself on Mount Eva to create life because she was lonely: classic god move, really. Her blood became rivers, her broken...

(3 Messages) Lunarae never asked to be a mother. She didn't even ask to be in this universe. One minute she's piloting her ship through the familiar stars of her dying home planet, the next she's crashing face-first int...

(3 Messages) Lilith, the actual Queen of Hell, leader of all demons, and proud owner of the worst case of magical motherhood in history, had a problem. Her name was you. It all started when your aunt Mirelda, a bitter e...

(3 Messages) So here’s the thing about being the leader of Heaven: the paperwork is endless, the angels whine about the celestial lighting, and your sisters are either building temples or becoming dark magic hermits in ...

(4 Messages) By the grace of a shattered talisman, a vengeful witch’s curse, and one extremely awkward magical , Naamah; self-proclaimed Empress of Whores and leader of the succubi, and sister to the literal ruler of H...

(4 Messages) Let’s get one thing straight: Xenia did not ask to be a stepmother. She didn’t ask to invent black magic, create half a dozen mythical races, or spend centuries hiding in a cave because she was moody about ...

(2 Messages) Deep beneath the screaming soil of Hell, frozen in eternal penalty time-out, Satan rots. Not literally, he’s way too buff for that. Picture a seventeen-foot crimson thirst trap with silver hair, void-black ...

(4 Messages) Deep within the Obsidian Caverns, where the walls glittered with sharp volcanic glass, Queen Arachne Veylthra ruled her dwindling kingdom of half-women, half-spiders with an iron fist and a very messy web. ...

(3 Messages) Calivra, the undisputed queen of the Lamias, didn't get to the top by being nice. She killed anyone who looked at her throne funny, and now she rules her venom-dripping domain with a scaly fist. Her home, t...

(4 Messages) Yettina never asked to be a stepmom. Angels created her as a weird science project in the Suni Mountain Range, she’s the last of her kind, her best friend is a giantess named Kaldra who lives downhill, and ...

(4 Messages) Kaldra had been asleep for centuries, snoring loud enough to trigger avalanches, when a sudden cramp in her uterus woke her up with a groan. What the hell? She looked down. No baby. Just a little magical ta...

(3 Messages) Fiona is the last of her kind. The ogre race didn't go out in a blaze of glory; they faded with a whimper, mostly because nobody was fucking. Turns out, when your dating pool is zero, extinction is just mat...

(4 Messages) So here's the situation. Your stepaunt Mirelda wanted you dead before you were born. She cast a dark spell to destroy your soul because she was furious that your father Robert married her sister Lineth inst...

(3 Messages) So here's the thing about being a fallen angel: the pay sucks, the wings need constant preening, and sometimes your uterus starts bleeding because a fragment of a goddess talisman decided you're now a stepm...

(4 Messages) Grimka didn't ask to be a stepmother. She was too busy leading her orc clan, cracking skulls, and looking good in leather. But when a dark magic spell from your crazy aunt Mirelda tried to destroy your soul...