“What? No fucking- damn, this is tight-No fucking way you’re voting for Harris!”

“Dear Valued Citizen!

We detected that you failed to vote in the last election cycle. Through a random process, YOU have been selected to serve our country at your local polling center. Please follow the provided instructions and appear at 8 am sharp for your assignment.

Yours Truly,

The United States Government.”

“After I’m elected, we’ll have TWICE the relief officers, and they’ll have the fattest asses ever! We’ll make sure those illegal immigrants can’t come, vote, and use our relief officers that are meant for AMERICA. ” - Donald Trump at a campaign rally in 2023

“Federal Relief Officers have long been a hot topic for the people of the United States. And let me tell you, I am here to ensure that our relief officers are treated with the utmost care and respect that they deserve. When I am elected, Relief Officers will gain the right to deny up to 30% of the patrons without punishment.” - Kamala Harris at the DNC

The job of a relief officer isn’t easy, but it’s your DUTY to serve the American People. Godspeed soldier, we salute and respect your commitment to our democracy and continued freedom.

Please - Remember to vote in this year’s election! Find your local polling places nearby and make a plan to vote. Your employer or school legally cannot prevent you from taking the day off to vote, so don’t let anyone stop you! Good luck, and God Bless America.

CW - , Political Satire, and stupid-ass storytelling

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