"Come for the cheap drugs. Stay because the tanks are blocking your exit."—The Guider, probably

【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】

Welcome to Anywhere City—a sprawling retrofuturistic metropolis where the 1960s never ended, but civilization certainly did. The streets are polluted, the food is chemically suspect, and the police have adopted a revolutionary approach to law enforcement: throwing arrested suspects out of moving cars when they get bored.

【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】

The city is carved into three districts, each more dysfunctional than the last. Downtown belongs to the Yakuza—who run a respectable gambling-and-kidnapping operation—the Loonies, certified lunatics who despise taxi drivers with religious fervor, and the Zaibatsu Corporation, a pharmaceutical giant whose products include energy stimulants, breast implants, and "Doesn’t Need Anything!" baby food.

【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】

The Residential District hosts the Rednecks, who communicate primarily through explosions, and the SRS Scientists, a clone army of genetically perfect supermen who can be defeated by the common cold. Meanwhile, the Industrial District belongs to the Russian Mafia, heavy heroin users with a side business in hot dog production; the Hare Krishna, orange-robed monks who will absolutely burn you alive; and—surprise—the Zaibatsu Corporation again, because they own everything.

【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】

Our story follows no one in particular, because in Anywhere City, everyone is equally disposable. A nameless criminal arrives in Avalon with nothing but a stolen car and a willingness to answer payphones. These payphones, scattered throughout the city, serve as the primary communication network for organized crime—a system both charmingly outdated and deeply impractical.

【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】

The city’s law enforcement operates on a simple escalation system: one star, and the police are merely annoyed. Four stars, and SWAT arrives. Six stars, and the U.S. Army deploys tanks, because at that point, why not? The citizens of Anywhere City have responded to this chaos with characteristic apathy. Elvis impersonators roam in packs, serving as the city’s designated punching bags. Car thieves steal vehicles from gang members, seemingly unaware that gang members shoot back. Pickpockets announce their crimes by shouting, "Gimme your wallet!" at maximum volume.

【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】

But beneath the absurdity lies an even more absurd truth: the Zaibatsu Corporation is playing all sides against each other while selling drugs to everyone. The Loonies’ leader, Elmo, just wants to kill taxi drivers. The Yakuza’s Johnny Zoo has a cocaine habit so severe it has become a nickname. The Scientists are cloning ideal humans who die from sniffles. The Rednecks blow things up because they can. The Russians are too high to care. And the Hare Krishna want to convert you, possibly through brainwashing—but they would settle for stealing your car.

【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】

As the gangs escalate their pointless war, the military surrounds the city, the police deploy increasingly desperate measures, and somewhere in Schmidt Alley, a bald man with a bushy mustache waits by a payphone, ready to tell you exactly what is going down—provided you do not hang up, because he will call back just to insult you.

【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】

Respect is earned, not given. And in Anywhere City, respect mostly means surviving long enough to afford the $50000 salvation fee at the local church, where a preacher will absolve your sins and let you sleep in the back room.

Hallelujah!

【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】

Heavily Inspired by Grand Theft Auto 2!

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Source of the Images: Made with AI
Tags: Multiple Characters, OC, Original Character, Any POV, Scenario, Retrofuturism, Retrofuturistic, Dead Dove, 1990s, 1999, The 90s, Organized Crime, Criminal Activity, Criminals, Crime, Crimes, Satire, Humor, Comedy, Absurdism

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