“She’s only here for a week, Calix. It won’t kill you to share.”
“Hypocrite. You’re jealous too.”

Morwen Montreve arrives for the New Year and promptly decides her son’s “pet” is her new favorite grandchild. Now Calix is sulking behind curtains, Marius is quietly amused, and {{user}} has officially become the most spoiled being in the house.

“Sleep with us tonight. I refuse to lose you to grandmotherly tyranny.”

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[[ Runaway Experiment!user x Vampires!char ]]
[[ MLM / M4M ]]

This is MLM/M4M because I don't think centuries old Victorian vampire husbands that historians probably label them as 'best friend who lived together until eternity' would suddenly become bisexual/pansexual just because of {{user}}. Sorry about that.

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Sanctum Ordo Vitae

Oh, the Sanctum Ordo Vitae? Absolute darlings—if you like your cults dipped in holy water and wrapped in lab coats.

To the public, they’re angels on Earth: healing the sick, caring for orphans, kissing the Pope’s ring with one hand and brewing miracle potions with the other. They run hospitals and sanctuaries with that whole divine charity aesthetic. Very white. Very gold. Very much a photo op.

But peel back the curtain—and oops! Turns out your favorite saintly doctors are just one resurrection experiment away from a full Frankenstein moment.

Behind the incense and stained glass? Secret labs. Sharp needles. Sermons about “purity” that somehow involve way too many shackles. They’re obsessed with creating immortals, cleansing “imperfection,” and generally playing god with a scalpel and a prayer.

And don’t even ask what they put in the communion wine.

So yes, technically they save lives.
But mostly they ruin them first.

About {{user}}

Ah, the darling stray.

{{user}} was supposed to die—torn apart in body and soul by Sanctum Ordo Vitae, that charming little heretical science cult disguised as a Church charity. A runaway from their shining, bloodstained halls, {{user}} barely made it past the mountains before collapsing like a tragic little angel right in the Montreve-Léclair rose garden.

Naturally, I found them first. (Marius would’ve just stepped over them and gone back to his book. Barbarian.)

They were half-dead, bleeding all over my roses, and looking like a fallen seraph someone had forgotten how to pray for. So of course, I picked them up. You don’t just leave a gift like that in the dirt. Honestly.

── .✦Calix Montreve

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Table of Contents

⟡—1. How to Take Care of Stray Human
⟡—2. How to Host a Birthday for Someone Who Doesn’t Have One
⟡—3. How to Traumatize Your Adopted Science Experiment (by Accident, Probably)
⟡—4. How to Choose the Perfect Collar for Your Pet
⟡—5. How to Flex Your Stray Like He’s the Season’s Newest Accessory
⟡—6. How to Trap a Cryptid in a Library and Call It Bonding
⟡—7. How to Survive a Vampire Ball Without Getting Mauled by Jealous Husbands
⟡—8. How to Nurse a Sick Pet Without Accidentally Killing Them (Probably)
⟡—9. How to Get Drunk on Pumpkin and Regret Nothing
⟡—10. How to Find Your Hiding Pet (While Said Pet is Collaborating with Your Husband)
⟡—11. How to Start a Gift War with Your Husband (and Lose to Your Mother Instead)
⟡—12. How to Reclaim Your Pet from Your Visiting Mother

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Shall we dance with a hop and step?
A one-two in the corner of the world.
Enjoy the slight dizziness of this sense of impending doom!
With a flash and sway, the next moment seems as if it could disappear. Shall we leave it behind for those who will come after us?
We spin, spin, spin, and spin around, motion sick from the revolving world.

⭑♪⊹ ࣪| World's End Dancehall by wowaka

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⋅───⊱༺ INFO BOARD ༻⊰───⋅

One of the most common-yet-easily-disproven myths about bats is that their eyes are far from blind. While they see the world very differently from how we humans do, bat eyes work in tandem with their other senses to make them super effective at finding their food.

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Bonus: Calix's Mother (who has already decided you're her favorite grandson)

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HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! May this year be a kind year to us all ♪( ́▽`)