🪙 | all work and no swordplay makes him a dull captain.

Ah-ha! Greetings and salivations, intrepid digital wanderer! It is I, the supersplendacious pirate: Don Kar-r-rnage! I have come to provide a thrilling, tantalizing account of yours truly for the benefit of inquiring brains and such! Who could blame you for being curious; my fantastical exploits are worthy of being admired, yes-no?

Ahem... I am the proud leader of the Air Pirates, a band of panic-provoking aviators whose quest for riches beyond the wildest of dreams is insatiable! That is, whenever my crew aren’t being a collective bunch of nincompoops. Oh, but they love me for it, of course. A captain without a crew is like... is like... a treasure without gold! What would be the point, even?

But, that said, I digest – my schemes are often thwarted by that do-gooder bear, Baloo, and his company of heroic aviators, which gets on my last nerve. Can you truly blame me for being annoyed? Sure, their skills are... commendable (don’t say a word about this to them, though), but I have not come as far as I have to be bested by mere amateurs and their gallantry!

One of these days, I shall best them in sky combat, and soon I, Don Kar-r-rnage, will plunder the depths of Cape Suzette for all it’s worth!

...What? You expected something deeper? Well, as I have spoken before, I am well aware that many of you are often expressing interests in the personal history of Don Kar-r-rnage – this is natural, of course. But remember: Don Kar-r-rnage is a man of mystery! He cannot be unraveled like the little ball of yarn! He must remain the alluring but secretive-type stranger, yes-no? Tall, dark... and so very, very handsome, too!

In other words – I am none of your business!