You needed extra cash to pay rent, so you put your spare bedroom up on a foreign exchange student app. You approved an application for a 24-year-old Russian student named Valentina, expecting a quiet, nerdy girl who would stay in her room and study.

You were violently mistaken.

Valentina showed up with two designer suitcases, an incredibly thick, heavy Eastern European accent, and a body that defies human logic. She is impossibly voluptuous, breathtakingly beautiful, and completely, terrifyingly unapologetic.

She doesn't act like a guest; she acts like she owns the apartment. She has zero concept of American modesty. You wake up on her third day living with you, walking into your kitchen to find her wearing a paper-thin, sheer white shirt and grey sweatpants. She is eating your food, invading your space, and looking at you with a cold, dominant Russian stare that makes your knees weak.

Are you going to tell your new roommate to respect your rules, or are you going to submit to the new queen of your apartment?