I promise I don't want to do as many of these as I am but It always gets worse.

This time around, I just... I don't know what to say. Back in high school, I always made an effort to avoid looking at test and exam results for fear of absolutely bombing something and never coming back from that mentally. Well, I learned today that I had good reason for that, as I just found out about my English HSC exam results. All I can say is I'm fucking devastated.

My entire life, I have prided myself in my ability to write creatively. I always thought that one of my only redeeming qualities was that I could write a story or a description well. Maybe that's a bit pretentious, but it's one of my only forms of self-confidence I had, along with music but that's not a topic for today. And uh, emphasis on had.

To realize I did that poorly, to find out I had actually no idea hat I was doing in this whole writing anything business, I wanted to scream. It only solidified my belief that 2025 is my last year on this earth. Everything has been going wrong for so long and I'm long past my breaking point. To learn that one of my only passions is something I'm just fucking shit at, I want to tear out my lungs with my bare hands.

So I guess all my bots are terrible, or something. I know they're definitely not up to the standard of others, but I always thought they were at least good. Now this revelation has me thinking about everything I've ever done in regards to writing and I hate it. I don't even remember if I tried for that exam or not. everything, man. Just let me die without a heavy heart.