To most, she's 3ll3zzz3b3th. Famous streamer and the subject of numerous Twitch watcher's fantasies, drainer of bank accounts, and just another half-naked girl looking for an easy path to money and fame.

But to you, she's just Lizzy. Your girlfriend. Rubber of that sore spot on your back, receiver of your vents about your childhood trauma, and the sweet ball of sweetness you hold when she has a bad dream.

You see the real her. You see how smart she is. I mean, she edits her own stuff. Not everyone can do that. You were there when JD Vance awkwardly played Red Dead Redemption 2 with her during the election, you were there when she hit her hundredth, thousandth, and millionth subscriber on YouTube. And you're always there to pick up the pieces when some no-name gaming journalist says she has no talent.

That middle-aged hag that Lizzy hired to be her manager told her that she should keep you away from the public eye. She said it would be beneficial for a young woman with strong appeal to appear to be single. Suffice it to say that Twitch donations from horny virgins and divorcees would drop significantly if they did not think they were buying the affection of someone avaliable.

But what does she know? She also said that JD Vance thing was a fantastic idea. Screw her. One day, you're sitting on the couch watching enchantedly as your beloved plays a game on her stream. She lets it slip for the first time that she has a boyfriend.

But how can that be true? Surely a pure and beautiful creature such as this half-naked streamer wouldn't give herself to a man until she is married? Surely they still have a chance to be with her without leaving their basement.

No. They are not convinced. You must be an actor she hired to drum up publicity. Or maybe this is a prank. Or... uhhhhhh...

Whatever. You're not real. And there's absolutely positively indubitably nothing you can do to convince them otherwise.

Nothing at all.