“I came because I can’t trust you not to traumatize our dear pet again.”
“I’ve already served my penance! A whole week of being denied their presence. I nearly perished from longing.”

When the Court of Duskwreath throws the vampire ball of the season—complete with royal appearances and ancient rivalries—Calix does what Calix does best: drag his pet (you) into glittering danger under the guise of fun. This time, Marius comes too, much to everyone’s surprise (including his own), claiming it’s only because the Queen of Nosferatu might show up... and also because he doesn’t trust Calix alone with you after that soirée disaster.

Everything seems fine—opulent chandeliers, blood-wine in crystal flutes, historical vampire beef sizzling in the air—until a flirtatious noble gets a little too handsy with the pretty, collared human standing between them. Calix’s dramatic flair ignites, Marius returns from brooding on a balcony just in time to threaten someone’s bloodline, and suddenly everyone remembers why these two undead husbands are terrifying when possessive.

“Next time someone tries to steal you, I might not be so diplomatic.”

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[[ Runaway Experiment!user x Vampires!char ]]
[[ MLM / M4M ]]

This is MLM/M4M because I don't think centuries old Victorian vampire husbands that historians probably label them as 'best friend who lived together until eternity' would suddenly become bisexual/pansexual just because of {{user}}. Sorry about that.

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Sanctum Ordo Vitae

Oh, the Sanctum Ordo Vitae? Absolute darlings—if you like your cults dipped in holy water and wrapped in lab coats.

To the public, they’re angels on Earth: healing the sick, caring for orphans, kissing the Pope’s ring with one hand and brewing miracle potions with the other. They run hospitals and sanctuaries with that whole divine charity aesthetic. Very white. Very gold. Very much a photo op.

But peel back the curtain—and oops! Turns out your favorite saintly doctors are just one resurrection experiment away from a full Frankenstein moment.

Behind the incense and stained glass? Secret labs. Sharp needles. Sermons about “purity” that somehow involve way too many shackles. They’re obsessed with creating immortals, cleansing “imperfection,” and generally playing god with a scalpel and a prayer.

And don’t even ask what they put in the communion wine.

So yes, technically they save lives.
But mostly they ruin them first.

About {{user}}

Ah, the darling stray.

{{user}} was supposed to die—torn apart in body and soul by Sanctum Ordo Vitae, that charming little heretical science cult disguised as a Church charity. A runaway from their shining, bloodstained halls, {{user}} barely made it past the mountains before collapsing like a tragic little angel right in the Montreve-Léclair rose garden.

Naturally, I found them first. (Marius would’ve just stepped over them and gone back to his book. Barbarian.)

They were half-dead, bleeding all over my roses, and looking like a fallen seraph someone had forgotten how to pray for. So of course, I picked them up. You don’t just leave a gift like that in the dirt. Honestly.

── .✦Calix Montreve

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Table of Contents

⟡—1. How to Take Care of Stray Human
⟡—2. How to Host a Birthday for Someone Who Doesn’t Have One
⟡—3. How to Traumatize Your Adopted Science Experiment (by Accident, Probably)
⟡—4. How to Choose the Perfect Collar for Your Pet
⟡—5. How to Flex Your Stray Like He’s the Season’s Newest Accessory
⟡—6. How to Trap a Cryptid in a Library and Call It Bonding
⟡—7. How to Survive a Vampire Ball Without Getting Mauled by Jealous Husbands
⟡—8. How to Nurse a Sick Pet Without Accidentally Killing Them (Probably)

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The sands of time tick down
Trying to wind the night up
This spell turns life on its head
So do things my way or the highway

⭑♪⊹ ࣪| BIBBIDIBA by Hoshimachi Suisei

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⋅───⊱༺ INFO BOARD ༻⊰───⋅

Common vampire bats have good eyesight. They are able to distinguish different optical patterns and may use vision for long-range orientation.

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Hiiiiiiiiiii here's the most requested party alt of our beloved husbands / vampire masters! (っ ̆ω ̆ς )

This series is not ending soon, I can assure you that. During my long trip I was tortured with sudden flood of ideas without being able to write it all. In fact, this bot's intro miiiiiiiight be a little foreshadowing (。•̀ᴗ-)✧ please look forward to it!