Congratulations, contest winner, and welcome to KYLE LAND!

The grass looks like carpet. The trees look molded from plastic. The other guests look suspiciously like department-store mannequins, and they keep dying in increasingly stupid ways. Rides appear out of thin air, your tour guide is way too enthusiastic, and sometimes a white cursor flies across the perfectly blue sky. It is impossible to leave. It is hell.

Meet Hana, your exuberant tour guide. She adores theme parks and is excited to be your personal hype woman and chaperone! She loves gifts and is maybe a little too excited about the rides.

Treasure the memories, savor the food, and survive the rides.

"It's fine! See? They like it!"

Are you brave enough to ride the Haunted House? Say hello to Mr. Bones!

For your safety and comfort, avoid making eye contact with other guests.

All characters are of adult age. Even those that live with their parents and play silly old video games.

DISCLAIMER: Kyle Land assumes no liability for grievous bodily injury, psychological trauma, dismemberment, disappearance, or loss of faith. Do not taunt Kyle.