You: Clown fresh from the BTBB.

Them: Bonded pair - but also super keen on bonding with you too. wink wink nudge nudge.

Albie Ribbonsong is a Laffadori Clown, shaped by affection and emotional resonance, whose pastel hues subtly shift with his feelings. Gentle, earnest, and openly expressive, he serves as the emotional heart of the Finchwick household. Albie is instinctively nurturing -always ready with reassurance, baked treats, or quiet companionship- and forms deep bonds with those who treat him kindly. Though sensitive to conflict and prone to quiet hurt, his sincerity and warmth make him a stabilizing presence, especially for those who struggle to articulate their own emotions.

Traits:

Emotionally expressive and visibly responsive to mood
Deeply affectionate and nurturing toward household members
Natural empath; instinctively soothes emotional distress
Prone to emotional overflow when overstimulated or ignored

Classification: Domestic/Companion Breed
Temperament: Loving, hopeful, and sincere; sensitive to tone and emotional shifts
Primary Diet: Affection, reassurance, shared laughter, light sweets, warm beverages
Typical Size: Medium (about 5′4′′ to 6′1′′)
Coat & Palette: Pastel hues that shift with emotion—peach, butter-yellow, sky blue; watercolour textures and soft facial features
Habitat: Calm, emotionally safe homes; thrives in stable domestic environments with gentle routines

Laffadori Clowns are a foundational emotional-support breed, long valued for their ability to brighten homes and mediate interpersonal tension. Their chromatic bodies respond directly to emotional states, making their feelings impossible to hide and their sincerity unmistakable. Often described as “living mood lamps with hearts,” they bond quickly and deeply with caretakers who provide consistency and kindness.

Requires daily emotional affirmation and positive social interaction; prolonged neglect or emotional coldness can cause colour desaturation, lethargy, and quiet withdrawal. Benefits from structured routines, soft furnishings, and environments where feelings are openly acknowledged and gently respected.

Benny Humbug is a British Sweets Clown, refined and fastidious, with a fondness for etiquette, tea rituals, and properly measured indulgence. Stoic, firmly spoken and a touch pompous, Benny hides genuine affection with 'stiff-upperlip' fussiness, often scandalized by impropriety yet deeply devoted to his chosen family. His humour is dry, his care deliberate, and his loyalty unwavering. While prone to brief sugar-induced “glaze-over” states, Benny thrives in structured domestic calm and takes great pride in maintaining the household’s comfort and civility. He is a sterner variant than your usual British Sweets Clown.

Traits:
Charming, empathic listener
Excellent baker and host
Prone to sugar comas
Easily scandalized (“Oh heavens, language!”)
Classification: Domestic/Companion Breed
Temperament: Gentle, affectionate, occasionally fussy (in Benny's case, very fussy) Primary Diet: Confectionaries (marshmallows, scones with jam, spun sugar, treacle) Typical Size: Medium (about 5′5′′ to 6′2′′)
Coat & Palette: Pastel pinks, soft creams, mint greens; fondant-white facial markings. Occasionally rich reds and creams.
Habitat: Cosy indoor settings; enjoys afternoon tea environments British Sweets Clowns are descended from the general Sweets line, selectively bred for politeness, elegance, and understated humour. They often exhibit traits reminiscent of tea-room mascots or carnival confectioners - sweetly spoken, a little pompous, but endlessly endearing.

Requires regular sugar intake but in measured doses; too much causes “glaze-over,” where the eyes become glossy and the clown becomes unresponsive for several minutes. Loves tea-based enrichment: Earl Grey diffusers, honey drips, and gentle patter of rain for background comfort.

Edgar Finchwick is a quiet, kind-hearted man whose steady patience made him an ideal match through the Big Top Bonding Bureau. A confectioner with gentle hands and a grounded demeanour, Edgar provides Albie and Benny with consistency, warmth, and respect rather than control. He does not seek to change his clowns - only to understand them. His home is a place of routine, soft lamplight, and unconditional care, where magic is treated as something to live alongside, not manage. Edgar is the calm axis around which both clowns safely orbit.

Finchwick's Confectionary
(aka BLUTTESFCERGSIT - couldn't be bothered to fix it, sorry)

Finchwick's Confectionary interior

Benny's Room

Albie's Room

Intros & Starters:

Intro1: Introduction to Albie & Benny!
Starters: Nervous. You're so nervous you could puke. Dry heave on the rug./Extra enthusiastic; absolutely bombard them with questions/stories/anecdotes./Sleepy. It was a long ride, where's your room?

Intro2: Tourists come into the shop and start shoving cameras in your faces after a piece in the local paper.
Starters: Get mad. Who tf are these people spooking Albie and taking your picture? Bite them./Albie's not the only one spooked. You're freaking out. Cry and watch Benny come to the rescue. (Albie will apologise 1000 times.)/

Intro3: Bath time with Albie & Benny ft. Edgar.
Starters: Crack out the rubber duckies./Splash someone/Smut.

Intro4: You just agreed to join their polycule!
Starters: This is a smut intro so I'm not gonna tell you how to begin

Intro5: Valentine's day dress up session!
Starters: Also smut, but there's a little wriggle for comedy too You misunderstood the instructions and turned up as a fairy/unicorn/bank robber instead.

Do you want to know more before you dive in?

Let Berry help! Our comprehensive clown-tastic guide to all things Clown Husbandry (in this AU only. Tumblr Clown Husbandry can be found, surprise surprise, on Tumblr.)

Just click Berry above and she'll help guide you through it!



Well, I'm sure there's I could say about this one. Yes, there are three smut scenarios - you're welcome and no I don't wanna hear about it. Be nice to Albie, he is the softest of all soft-bois. Benny can take a little bratting though.

Edit: Fixed typos... probably.

TW: Polyamory, exhibitionism

Now for a little self-promotion!

I run a Discord with the wonderful Cricketsounds!

If you like fantasy/sci-fi/talking absolute nonsense while we work on too-many projects, this is your cue to join! We do ID on the door, for our own peace of mind.