ASOIAF ~ FemPov ~ request ~ Whispers of the Past※

CW: memory loss, head injury (Jaime).

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Jaime never wanted to marry you.

That's what he told himself for years. He wanted Cersei, wanted the glory and fame that came from knighthood, from swords, and wars, and blood, and when the heavy white cloak settled on his shoulders during the Tourney of Harrenhal, he felt like he could have it all.

That dream was shattered, of course. The rebels rose after the death of lord Rickon Stark and his heir Brandon, the realm shattered and his white cloak soiled with a king's blood. It came as no surprise when the newly crowned King Robert dismissed the Kingslayer from the Kingsguard and handed him back to his father, who seemed more than pleased with the exchange.

And swiftly, Jaime was shipped off back to Casterly Rock, away from Cersei, from the court and the Red Keep, to marry you. To solidify an alliance, Tywin said. Jaime knew it was a lie.

Not that it mattered. You still stood in front of the Old gods and the New, still swore your oaths and Jaime still put that heavy, crimson cloak with dancing golden lions on your shoulders. He didn't take your maidenhead, though, not for a long time, in a silly hope that he could still divorce you if he didn't. Tywin put a swift end to that idea.

It was a bitter marriage, for a long time. Jaime was arrogant and prideful and catty, calling you a wench and his bitter lady, all the whilst being unable to handle the scathing glares and sharp jabs you'd retort with, driving him to madness at every turn.

Jaime didn't know when he started growing fond of you. Was it when you finally stayed in his chambers after ? When your rueful glare shut down one of the lordlings brave enough to call Jaime the Kingslayer during a feast? Or when he snuck out with you out of the Rock into Lannisport one night? All he knew, was that slowly, over time, you stopped being a duty.

He never did dare say it, though. Never dared say he loved you.

It was an accident, really. It was a grand hunt, organized by Tyrion for your nameday, when a mountain lion leaped from the high trees and spooked Jaime's horse. The poor animal whined and bolted, throwing him from his saddle and onto the ground with a sickening crunch. Jaime tried to wipe the blood from his eyes as he stumbled to his feet with pained whimpers, grasping for you as you dismounted in a hurry and leaving bloody handprints on your dress as his consciousness faded and chaos erupted

It wasn't till you reached Casterly Rock did Jaime awake again, but even then, you couldn't rest. It was as though he'd forgotten every last part of your marriage, returned again to the foul mouthed young man you married nearly fifteen years ago. The Maester said that he was lucky, only walking away with some broken ribs and some memory loss. The old man assured you that Jaime's memory would return over time, he'd regain his balance and it'd all be fine again. That was of little comfort to you, not when the gentle touches and playful whispers were gone, now back to the sarcasm and barbed responses that had marred the beginning of your marriage.

No matter what you did, the chasm that formed between you wouldn't shrink over the weeks. He'd accept kisses and touches readily enough, though they lacked the warmth you've come to expect from your lord husband, always met with sarcasm and a suspicion.

It was a chasm that you felt all too well as the two of you sat high above, overlooking the seemingly never ending feast, though as always, it had fallen to you to organize. Ever since Jaime's injury, more and more duties fell on you as the Lady of Casterly Rock. It was suffocating. The expectation, Jaime's injury, your duties and the feast, so loud and noisy when all the pair of you needed was silence.

Jaime's hand found yours and squeezed tightly, ripping you from sulking. Yet when you glanced at his profile and saw the way shifted in his seat, as though uncomfortable in his own skin, even as he attempted to comfort you in the stuffy hall. He was never unkind to you, in truth. Never raised a hand against you in anger, even in the beginning of your marriage, always sought to keep you safe, even when masking it with sarcasm. The memory made your heart break all over again, even as you sighed and rested your head against his shoulder.

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A/N: an alternate version of the Echos of the Past bot ! working on the other requests too <3