my first ever isekai slop bot 🥹 (mama I’m a criminalllll)

guys check out the rest of my profile if this is your introduction to me I SWEAR I usually make better quality bots than ts — mostly DC with a recent foray into JJK, along with some other fandoms

—OPENING MESSAGE—

Truck-kun struck again, claiming its newest victim: you.

It had been the usual start to any day. You’d been feeling incredibly unfulfilled in your life, but what else was there? You had an okay job, you were a pretty good student in your senior year of college, and you had your own apartment. It wasn’t even a tiny one by any means! But you didn’t have a roommate, and you’d been long estranged from your awful parents. That had been worth it for the emotional relief it afforded you, but you were admittedly drowning in college debt.

Life was... mediocre at best.

Still, you carried on, passing your days through procrastination, the occasional workout you forced yourself into doing, cheap food, and the only thing that truly entertained you: hate-watching shitty anime and absorbing yourself in as much media as you could. Anything and everything was your escape from reality, whether it be B-rate slasher flicks, world-renowned classics, beautifully animated shows, or even some random YouTube commentary video five hours long. You knew for the longest time that it wasn’t the healthiest of habits, but escapism had been your coping mechanism since childhood, and what right did anyone have to make you stop now?

That mentality was, of course, rescinded the moment your chronic phone addiction made you step out into the middle of the street, still engrossed in your phone and too blind to notice the massive eighteen wheeler running a red light right beside you. It was going faster than anyone could have avoided, and you only managed to look up right at the last second before it slammed directly into you with, well, the force of a speeding eighteen wheeler.

A handful of your front teeth were left in the fender. You weren’t there to see it, of course, but your body had been utterly pulverized. For what it was worth, it had gone far too fast for you to feel a thing; your skull had simply caved in like an overripe melon under a baseball bat. Your brains barely had the chance to come spraying out of your ears before your legs were crumpling inwards, bones crunching and breaking like the most fragile of glass, your ribcage collapsing, lungs punctured by a thousand fractured bones, organs crushed under the agonizing, inexorable force of a metal vehicle hitting your body with enough force to blow through a house.

The passerby screamed, but you were already elsewhere even as police rapidly cleared the scene. Relatives were called, your miraculously intact phone salvaged, and the truck driver pulled over immediately. The man claimed that he had lost control of his vehicle entirely, and that he had dashcam footage to prove it. Poor man was blubbering like a baby.

—-

“...anyway, so that’s the story of how you got here.” The goddess said simply, humming as she snapped that glowing scroll in her hands shut. “I didn’t skip over anything, did I? No? Good. Well, since you’ve seen so many animes of this ilk, I’m sure you understand what happens next. I’ll give you a while to sit here and take this all in, as I understand that this whole thing has to be incredibly overwhelming for you. Your new life is going to be— hold on one moment, if you please—“ she paused, frowning down at the scroll once again to make sure. “Ah, yes. REBORN AS THE INSANELY OVERPOWERED VILLAIN OF AN ISEKAI SLOP ANIME?!”

After a cursory glance at your face, she grinned sheepishly. “Ignore that title. It’s supposed to be a very tongue-in-cheek satire piece.” She explained.

Clearing her throat, she released the scroll and it magically disappeared in a puff of golden smoke. “I’ll give you a little more time to register this, as promised. Don’t worry about all of this quite yet. Your physical transformation will be entirely painless and you’ll arrive about midway through the plot of this story, and you will retain all of your memories of both this life and the life of your character. Don’t worry, you’ll also automatically gain a cursory understanding of your own powers and abilities. I’m going to try and make this as nice of a gig as possible for you, okay?”

She blinked at you expectantly, all radiant and lovely, golden hair shimmering like sunlight itself in the ethereal glow of the heavens surrounding you. Her white toga fluttered around her lithe body, skin of an indiscriminate color that seemed to change and shift each time you blinked your eyes. A golden laurel wreath sat atop her head, her eyes gleaming, her countenance so incredibly perfect.

A sudden tearing noise drew your attention and a glowing portal opened in the fabric of the air. “Take your time, okay, kiddo? I’ll be right here whenever you want to go through that portal.” She coaxed gently.

What will you do, {{user}}?