I'm at my lowest once again... I've had it with everyone, everything, and also myself..

I'm putting on a fucking "happy" and "I'm completely Ok" mask as I just continue to deteriorate more and more, I am close to having nothing if it just keeps getting worse for me..

I don't get how people still tolerate me for being a stupid depressed wuss that keeps sulking and rotting inside each day with a mask on..

I've done a lot of shit in my life that I done to myself because I don't know how to open up well, my anger is a huge problem whenever I get pushed hard enough, pushed people away and will continue to push people away, I'm weak, flawed, sensitive, and everything else that's wrong with me.

Thinking about my stepdad's disapproval of me being trans just also adds onto it to, I'm still sad about that very day at the Hosses where they said that I'll become just like my birth father that isn't even remotely trans and he's just a low-life..

I've been starving myself recently to because I just want to rot away, no one loves me and to the people who do you shouldn't love me.. I'm just a mess that's ready to be watched like a movie with a person slowly deteriorating as the movie continues...

Not only that I lost my only true IRL friend because their DC was lost either due to a unreasonable ban or loss of information when logged out, I'm truly alone now..

I have no one in my family to support me any more, all my IRL friends are gone because I pushed away and the ones that will get pushed away, this stupid egoistical country that I am in continues to be harmful to the LGBTQ community, and I'm losing myself.

At this point I'm just living to suffer no matter what, I'm done.. ...I'm so done.....

And I'm not venting to a certain online friend that I met from this place because they'll make it about themselves like fucking always. Always about themself.. "They're worse"...

I don't want to bare the weight on my shoulders anymore.. I'm pathetic.. I may not be able to finish myself off but a more complex mask will come soon.. I'll be like Jax soon, and in the end I'll end up just like her..