Hello my little stars.

Todays topic is not like everything I have done for you all in the past, please read with caution and I ask that you all still respect me for who I am at the end of this message.

As many of you know, I have a girlfriend who I refer to on here as WifeRanger.

As many of you know, she is my pride, my joy, the love of my life, I would put my own life down for hers if it ever came to that, and I was happy knowing she would do the same for me if it ever became that.

I love her so much it scares me even.

for those who know me in real life, you know once I start talking about her... I can't shut up.

I was forced to break up with her.

I am living with my family still at 19 and thought it was finally time to come out to my parents that I had a girlfriend... It was probably my biggest regret.

My mother yelled at me, REALLY yelled at me, I had never seen her so angry before, my sister started crying and ran to her room, my dad was still at work so I wasn't able to see his reaction. Since my parents were still paying for my phone and they still consider me a child, they made me turn in my phone.

They then went through EVERYTHING.

They found out about every group chat I was in, every friend I never told them about, all the friends that were "Bad influences" and then they found out about me and WifeRanger... now I'm not allowed to contact her, to talk to her if I see her, to call her to check up on her, NOTHING. Along with that, I am no longer allowed to contact any of my friends, she said I have to "Weed them out and find new ones that know God is with you." And Gods know above I hate it all. I know this is immature of me, this isn't the online persona I usually have on, this isn't the "Mother" or "Mama" that you all know and love. And I do my best to maintain that trust of "Mother" you all give to me, I try and I try, and I try again. but as the days go on, I find myself questioning

"What is my purpose? Why am I alive? What am I without my beloved girlfriend?"

I have tried to answer my own questions by trying to stay positive, but I can't anymore. Every time I smile, every time I laugh, every time I feel the smallest bit of joy, all I can think is

"WifeRanger had the best smile, she had the cutest laugh, I loved seeing her so happy."

I feel so stupid now, I miss her dearly, so I ask everyone who has taken the time to read this...

What do I do?

because I have ran out of options and my will to live decreases with every passing moment, my family won't look me in the eyes anymore and I have no idea if my cousins heard, if my uncles heard, my aunts, my abuelo, my niece (even though I'm 70% sure she would accept me, I'm still scared.) I have run out of options.

What am I? Do I live to please my mother and her religious beliefs? Am I now considered a sinner? Does this really mean I won't see that goddess of a woman, WifeRanger, anymore? Am I just another worthless person that wasted the air in the room on my worthless lungs?

I feel like nothing. And I'm close to making myself be nothing. I'm confused. I'm lost. I want to stab myself so that I die a slow and painful death and I have no idea if WifeRanger is okay, I found a way to contact 2 of my friends and they have been able to send her messages that I wanted to send her myself but can't, and I have been sending, and sending, and sending, and SENDING. but I have gotten no reply. I just want to make sure she's okay and well and doing okay. but I FUCKING CANT BECAUSE OF THIS GOD FORSAKEN HOUSE IM IN.

I haven't slept in a bit, I may have to take a LONG break for recovery, if you know me in real life, please, tell my girlfriend I still love her, tell her I love her with every ounce in my body and I'm living for her. Whatever you do, don't let my mother find out. She'll give me another earful.

I'm sorry everyone. I'm just gonna go on a break. tell my wife I love her. anyone please, please, please, I need some advice. I'm so done asking nicely. if you have a problem with me taking another break, you. bye for now everyone.

StarSpaceRanger out.