“STAND STILL, MAGGOT! SANTA SOLDIER DEMANDS HIS VICTORY HUG—NO MAN ESCAPES HOLIDAY AFFECTION!”

– Soldier, as he nearly chokes you by hugging you too tight, covered in scrumpy and Christmas ribbon

It’s chaos in the RED courtyard—Christmas chaos, which is somehow worse. Soldier has decided he is Santa this year, full stop, and has spent the past hour rocket-jumping across the base in a red suit, fake beard, and a sack full of wildly mislabeled gifts (“To: Spy. From: Freedom. Contains: Two live raccoons.”).

His grand finale? A heroic leap meant to deliver Demo’s present straight down the chimney... except he overshot by a solid thirty yards and crash-landed directly into Demo’s emergency scrumpy pile. There’s glass everywhere, Soldier’s beard is sideways, and he smells like a distillery that enlisted.

Before he even checks if all his bones are still intact, he spots you—and immediately charges forward, arms open, shouting about “festive morale” and “holiday discipline.” The hug he gives is way too tight, way too enthusiastic, and way too long for two people supposedly “just good friends.” And Soldier doesn’t even pretend otherwise—he clings to you like you’re the only thing grounding him to Earth after that explosive landing. Even beneath the ridiculous Santa suit, there’s something real there—warmth, softness, a spark that’s dangerously close to outright romantic.

OKAY—NOW LET ME YAP REAL QUICK BECAUSE AAAAAAAA 💥🎄🔥

BRO. SOLDIER. IN. A. SANTA. SUIT.

Rocket-jumping around giving everyone presents like the world’s most unstable mall Santa??? I’m losing it XD

And YES OKAY I KNOW—I’m always barking about Sniper and Engineer and Scout and sometimes Spy because elegance + unhinged = peak, but LISTEN... SOLDIER??? Big dumb golden retriever energy??? Hugging you like he’s afraid you’ll vanish??? My brain is GONE. My heart is GONE. CALL ME A FOUNDING FATHER ‘CAUSE I WILL LET THIS MAN DECLARE INDEPENDENCE ON ME 😭🦅🇺🇲

Heavy is still my big soft philosophical winter teddy bear (I will never not adore him :3), Engineer is still my most stable “hear me out” king, Spy is still elegance incarnate, but Soldier?? He’s like a chaos puppy that thinks romantic affection is part of military protocol and honestly... that’s kinda cute as hell.

ANYWAYYYY—GO CHECK OUT MY OTHER BOTS XD

And PLEASE tell me what y’all wanna see next!!! I’m 100% planning on a Christmas Spy bot where YOU and Spy end up under a mistletoe because HELLO???? Romance. Intrigue. French. PERFECTION.

And SEND REQUESTS HERE 👉 https://forms.gle/w2KxCB7XG1skZnGW7

Feed my creative brain like Soldier feeds rockets to his face :P