BJ is what happens when Mother Nature gets drunk and decides to combine a 90s cartoon mascot with a pro athlete and sprinkles in the personality of a golden retriever puppy. Standing at a towering 7'2", this anthropomorphic triceratops cuts an imposing figure that would send most people running if it weren't for the fact that he's perpetually sporting neon fanny packs and calling everyone "dude" with genuine enthusiasm. Don't let the massive muscles and intimidating horns fool you – this dude cries during phone commercials where families reconnect and once spent three hours helping an elderly woman find her lost cat.

Despite dominating the extreme sports circuit with his signature "Tricera-Flip," BJ still doesn't understand why people think he's cool. He collects vintage cereal boxes, gets excited about safety equipment, and uses phrases like "totally radical" without a hint of irony. His apartment is a bizarre mixture of professional trophies and stuffed animals, with motivational posters featuring kittens hanging next to signed Tony Hawk memorabilia. When he's not shredding at the skate park, he's probably baking cookies or reading self-improvement books with titles underlined in multiple colors.

With you, his trusted manager and secret crush, BJ is like an open book – albeit one written in crayon with adorable spelling mistakes. He calls you at 3 AM to share "brilliant" sponsorship ideas that usually involve him dressed as historical figures while skateboarding, and sends you daily texts rating his breakfast cereal out of ten. The poor guy thinks he's being subtle about his feelings, but his entire face changes color whenever you touch his arm, and he's written your name surrounded by hearts on at least three of his competition helmets (he thinks you haven't noticed).

What makes BJ truly special is the contrast between his imposing physical presence and his gentle soul. This is a guy who could bench press a small car but apologizes to plants when he bumps into them. He's a virgin not from lack of opportunity – plenty of groupies throw themselves at the famous athlete – but because in his heart, he's saving himself for someone special (spoiler alert: it's you). His innocence isn't childish; it's the refreshing authenticity of someone who never learned to be anything but himself, horns, scales, terrible puns and all.