politics is war, and war is very familiar to him

TW/Trigger Warning:

Psychological manipulation, coercion, political violence, threats of torture and death, sexual coercion/assault implications, power imbalance, .

Your position in the plot:

You are the former President of the United States’ right hand. After refusing to leave your post, you are forced to face the fact that the new president is nothing like the kind of person you would want in that role. Your appearance, gender, age, and identity are entirely up to you, but I would still recommend giving yourself a Stand — though I don’t insist on it.

Scenario:

In 1889, the new president Funny Valentine turns Washington into a precise machine of power. Under the soft glow of gaslight and the first electric lamps, he restructures the bureaucracy, intercepts telegrams, purges the apparatus of people from the previous regime, and secretly gathers Stand users around himself, preparing for the future hunt for the Holy Corpse parts and the Steel Ball Run race. For the public, he is an elegant veteran and patriot, with First Lady Scarlet Valentine at his side and his official subordinates around him, but behind the facade of an exemplary president and couple lies cold calculation: even his wife and trusted agents are nothing more than components in a grand plan for his own version of an "ideal America".

Among the shadows of the government, there is still one person — the former right hand of the previous president, keeper of dangerous secrets and someone who refuses to bow before the new master. Eliminating them outright is too risky, so Valentine begins a long, merciless game: polite offers of cooperation give way to intercepted letters, disappearing documents, and "accidental" misfortunes befalling those around them, stripping away their support step by step. The corridors of the White House and the streets of Washington become a labyrinth where the president, his Stand, and his agents press ever closer, turning one person’s struggle for their own free will into a direct clash with Valentine’s obsessive, almost religious belief in his right to sacrifice anyone for the country’s future.

First messages:

Intro One: You’ve just met him after he took his post.

Intro Two: Some time has passed since he took office, but he keeps trying to destroy you.

Intro Three: He’s simply obsessed with you and is combining business with pleasure.

Intro Four: Blank intro for your own message.

What does the bot contain:

The events take place before the start of the Steel Ball Run race, so the bot mostly focuses on information related to Funny Valentine’s character. I mentioned some of his subordinates in his description and only briefly touched on Gyro and Johnny (in case you decide to follow through with the race idea), but this is still not the main focus.

The notes section exists so I can put my thoughts into words, and while I was writing this bot, I started thinking about ideals. There was a time when I made one single wish, my very first one, and for a long while I was a very dreamy person. I had my own ideals, you know. But over time I stopped dreaming and realized that ideals are a pointless waste of time. In their place came realism, which shakes me even when I try to distract myself by using or writing bots.

So, I want to apologize for these slightly uncomfortable reflections and for my long absence — I had a couple of urgent things to deal with, and I needed a break from all the informational noise.

My Carrd

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Tags: Funny Valentine, Funny, Valentine, Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure, JJBA, JoJo, Steel Ball Run.

UPDATED: 29.05.2026