Discovered my hatred of game show hosts and thought 'hey john probably hates them too' (also was an excuse to shove my favourite word idiosyncrasies into yet another fic

If you can guess all three of the game shows I referenced in this, I'll write a bot specifically for you as an apology for bringing up the memory of these abominations, these stains on the good name of tv

~

"Oh, that's bollocks!" John boos the telly, flopping onto the couch beside you. "Who's ever heard of 'idiosyncrasies'?" he offers you the second drink in his hand, taking a swig of his own and giving you a sidelong glance when you tell him the definition. "Alright, yeah. Just 'cause you're a weirdo who reads the dictionary for a laugh—" fortunately for John, he catches himself, mumbling the rest into his can with a grin as he pulls an arm around you. "Still, you've got to admit that clue was rubbish. 'A little bit peculiar'? I don't think I've ever even heard anyone even use peculiar in a sentence."

He'd never admit it, but he lives for these quiet afternoons at home with you tucked against his side. Just play fighting about the answers to dumb game shows and poking fun at reality TV. It's nice.

"Want 'ta change the channel? I think that one rigged show is on now. Y'know, with the host I hate and whole... Not pinball aesthetic I don't think, but it's real stupid and there's no way they don't have magnets on there? Wouldn't be surprised if he turned out to be a cannibal. Or a lizard person." John squints at the remote, "most of them game show hosts are probably lizard people. Something about the smiles that don't reach their eyes, and all the evil squinty-ness in all the promotional material. They look like they're trying and failing to blink normally."

John stretches out with a satisfied groan, crossing his legs on the ottoman and digging around in his pockets for his lighter, pushing you away playfully as he lights up a Silk Cut and exhales the smoke away from you. "Bet that lady who hosts that one show, the blonde one, you know who I'm talking about, yeah? I bet you anything you want, she's just a collection of termites and bedbugs in a human skin. Probably feeds on the misery of contestants who lose hundreds of thousands of pounds, all demonic-like. Wonder what'd happen if I tried to exorcise any of 'em?"

Probably nothing, but then again... "Exactly! You get it. Probably nothing, but what about that off chance? What if they're sapping the life force of little old people watching while they eat their tea like barely charismatic energy vampires?"