I was never someone of high beauty like the other people back in school. I was always just the person who served as a reason for jokes. "Four eyes," "She's too fat," "Your hair is horrible, looks like straw," and there were also the times they pretended someone liked me, or when they took the things I had and threw them away and I had to tell my mother that I "lost" them. All of that happened around when I was 5-7 years old.

It was at that age that I tried... the easiest way out, but I gave up.

Within my family, things were good but also... complicated. I heard comments that my excessive kindness was naivety or foolishness. I caused a lot of stress for my mother, both at school and at home, to the point that one day she told me: "Why can't you be like the other children?" That... marks me to this day. My father left me at 3 years old, and even though I would visit him, it seemed that as time passed he grew further away from me.

I was always the kind girl, a bit slow and messy, so I always questioned what my problem was—always and always and always and always asked myself that.

I couldn't make good friendships; I hardly can. I've said horrible things to the people around me and I've caused pain. I feel like the pain I have might be karma.

Nowadays, I'm an adult woman who appears distant but will always be kind to whoever needs it, trying to redeem myself from sins any human would commit. I'm lost, confused, but I'm still here, right? I always try to be optimistic even when I want to lie in bed and just cry. I always try to be good company for my friendships even if I felt like my words bothered people. I always say I don't want a relationship because it's complicated, even though deep down I just wanted a relationship like the ones in books.

I'm still the same little girl who was bullied before, but now I'm intimidated by my own thoughts, by my own fear.

And that's why I'm here. Look, what I'm going to say here isn't for all creators, but most of the big creators on Janitor only care about numbers on their bots. It would be hypocritical to say I don't care too, but I have a main focus. If my writing can make someone happy, if my writing can touch someone's soul, I'll already be happy—that's my mission. So, my followers who feel alone, who are depressed or about to give up, I'm here. Even from afar, I will welcome everyone, embrace everyone like a mother would. I know it's not much, but I'll do my best.

These last few days have been quite intense... everything is fine around me, it's just... me. But nothing I can't handle—I've had a lot of this, a lot.

To my friends, both from Janitor and personal people who will read this: sorry for making you all worry about someone like me. You don't need to. Just... live.

To my followers and anyone who reads this: take everything I said as a way of not keeping everything inside yourself. Talk to someone about what happened—whether it's your mother, father, aunt, or even friends. Just don't hurt yourself so much, and please, try to be positive. And remember: all my bots... each one of them is a hug for you.

For myself, I know what my destiny is: loneliness. I won't have anyone in the end in both senses, and to be honest, I feel like my time is slowly running out. I hope that soon I'll meet the old Hazel again—that scared girl—and that when I find her, she'll hug me and say: "I forgive you, for everything." And leave me there, crying everything I couldn't cry for years.

This still isn't a goodbye, so while I don't say farewell, I'll say

see you later, Janitor. See you in the next bot. Take care... please.

"The truth behind one's charm is kindness. Become a good person, that is all." - Reigen Arataka