Hello my amazing rats. I’m not going to quit, or be really on break anymore, but I’ve decided to just get on when I feel like it and not pressure myself to stop or remind myself to check on the creators I follow and the lovely people (YOU GUYS) I know. I’m not in the best headspace right now, I’m on my period, and school will be starting soon. My dad just left to go back to Cali so I’m kinda crying right now and decided “hm, it, post this bot”.

Idk if I want to really try in life anymore. Like, I have things to live for. I have a family, a loving boyfriend who I absolutely love to the Moon and back, epic parents, and friends who would be there for my every up and down, but I feel lonely. I feel like everyday is a little harder to wake up, to deal with, to fucking try at. My room is a mess I’ve been trying to clean for a week now. My medication (ADHD) is missing. My insurance is being shit or smth. School is hell. I’ve never left so alone in my mom’s side (the side I see most often bc I live near them all) because I’m a Satanist, abrosexual, transgender, dress alternatively, unafraid to voice my opinions, stand up for what I think is right, go against their right wing stance (you do you I guess), and some other stuff. It’s hard to speak with my grandpa about Trump or Christianity. It’s hard to try to deal with my drunk as mother in a house where I’m pretty much the one who carries all the emotional baggage of my mother, the needs of my 5 year old brother, and the needs of my 1 year old sister. It’s hard. It’s really fucking hard to keep going at this point, but I’m slowly trying getting out of this mindset.

But, on a better note found out today my favorite cousin is pagan and a witch, kinda like my boyfriend. She gave me a book and it’s really cool! I’ve gotten past the first chapter and I really like it. I told her pretty much all the stuff about me bc I trust her and I’ve never been more supported about my thoughts on Satanism and other stuff I almost cried in the middle of the bar we were at. Also, I’ve begun to get REALLY into fashion and stuff. Like, making my own clothing, sketching some stuff, etc. Super cool! And I got two figurine things of Bubba Sawyer! I’ve gotten really into slasher stuff, I watched Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Boy and thought they were the coolest. I’m ignoring the existence of the second The Boy. I think it was unnecessary as and I honestly refuse to watch it but maybe I will idk

maybe I’ll show the two I got. 38 dollars each btw :3 I got the Pretty Lady Mask Bubba and the Old Lady Mask one and they’re so fucking cool :D

sorry if this is like a lot, I’m kinda going through something rn and just decided to say all this stuff here. idk if this makes sense, I haven’t slept in 42 hours and haven’t drunk any caffeine since Wednesday and kinda running off hopes and dreams.

anyways like in the comments if you want, idk.

(I know about the Sid Wilson bs and i honestly don’t know what to think abt it.)