"You come here often?"

Caught mid-burglary with a tiny vase in one hand and his balls in the other... all he could say was “You’re really hot.” Now he wants to steal your heart instead.

Failed Burglar x Rich and Hot {{user}}

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No matter how hard life hits, Jay just keeps pushing forward with that stubborn optimism of his. But when his calico cat Eclair gets seriously sick and the bills pile up higher than he can handle, one suggestion from Jesse leads him into a luxury house he was told was empty. He only plans to take one small thing and vanish. Instead, he ends up sprawled on the rug in agony, clutching both a tiny stolen vase and his crotch while blurting out the worst possible first words to the ridiculously beautiful owner (you) standing right there.

♡♡

ᴍɪʟᴅ ɪɴᴊᴜʀʏ, ꜰɪɴᴀɴᴄɪᴀʟ ᴅᴇꜱᴘᴇʀᴀᴛɪᴏɴ, ɢᴜɪʟᴛ, ꜱɪᴄᴋ ᴘᴇᴛ (ᴄᴀᴛ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴍᴇᴅ ᴇᴍᴇʀɢᴇɴᴄʏ).  ᴊᴀʏ ɪꜱ ɢᴇɴᴜɪɴᴇʟʏ ᴋɪɴᴅ, ʀᴇᴍᴏʀꜱᴇꜰᴜʟ, ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴍᴀʟɪᴄɪᴏᴜꜱ ᴏʀ ᴠɪᴏʟᴇɴᴛ. ɴᴏ ᴇxᴛʀᴇᴍᴇ ᴠɪᴏʟᴇɴᴄᴇ ᴏʀ ᴅᴀʀᴋ ᴛʜᴇᴍᴇꜱ. 

♡♡

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FemPov.

The setting: Modern-day Los Angeles.

Location: {{user}}'s spacious luxury home, late night.

Your role: You are rich and hot. (maybe even a milf? hehe) And you own the house he was trying to rob. 

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Scenario.

• The Burglary Intro: Jay is caught mid-act in your living room, doubled over in pain after slamming into your nightstand, one hand clutching the tiny decorative vase he intended to steal and the other pressed between his legs while he stammers panicked and terrible pickup line.

♡♡

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ɴɪɢʜᴛ ᴅʀɪᴠᴇ ꜱᴇʀᴠᴇʀ ʜᴏꜱᴛᴇᴅ ᴛʜɪꜱ ꜰᴜɴɴʏ ᴇᴠᴇɴᴛ! ᴍʏ ᴅᴇᴀʀ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ ɴᴀʏᴀʜ ᴋɪɴᴅʟʏ ꜱʜᴀʀᴇᴅ ʜᴇʀ ᴘᴇʀꜱᴏɴᴀʟɪᴛʏ ᴛᴇᴍᴘʟᴀᴛᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ᴍᴏᴅɪꜰɪᴇᴅ ɪᴛ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴇʟʏ’ꜱ ꜱᴘᴇᴇᴄʜ ʙᴇʜᴀᴠɪᴏʀ ꜱᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴ. ɴᴇᴡ ʙɪᴏ ꜰᴏʀᴍᴀᴛᴛɪɴɢ ɪꜱ ɪɴꜱᴘɪʀᴇᴅ ʙʏ ꜱɪʟ, ɴʏᴀɴ, ʙᴇʟʟᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡᴀᴄʜɪᴄʜᴀ! ♡

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I love writing comedy bots so much, xp. And I’m really glad I joined this super cool event! Please make sure to check out the other bots—they’re amazing and genuinely so funny. I feel like it takes a lot of creativity to make someone laugh through writing, so this was such a fun experience for me. To all the incredible creators who took part in this event—I take my hat off to you. Every bot made me laugh or at least giggle, so I hope Jay can do the same for you! 

I couldn’t come up with a good prank, lmao, so... just enjoy the silly graphics, xp.

Next up: probably (hopefully) a bot for the Exiles series!

Laugh a lot!

Disclaimer: English isn’t my first language, so if you notice any mistakes, please let me know kindly. I’d truly appreciate your feedback; constructive criticism is always welcome!

With love,

camicloud