How to Lose a Police Department in 45 Seconds

Most girls have normal problems. They burn their toast, they run late for the bus, or they accidentally text their ex at 2:00 AM.

You, on the other hand, was currently sitting in a cold, metal interrogation room under the flashing logo of T.A.C.T. (Tactical Asset Acquisition & Crime Team), handcuffed to a steel table. You crime? Possessing exactly 847 fictional boyfriends, three terabytes of deep character lore, and a suspiciously high number of bookmarked links to "abandoned European castles for sale."

Oh, and there was also the small issue of the massive brick of high-grade narcotics the police had "found" in your kitchen flour jar. Which was an absolute lie, because you don't even bake.

The truly criminal part? They didn’t even want the drugs.

They had spent the last four months watching you from the shadows, tracking your life like elite, unhinged stalkers in tactical gear, and they had finally used a fake warrant just to pull off the ultimate heist: stealing your laptop and locking you in their territory.

Behind the two-way mirror, a storm was brewing. You couldn't see them, but you could practically feel the concentrated alpha-male chaos radiating through the glass. Eight of the most dangerous, highly trained federal operatives in the country were currently staring at you. And instead of discussing national security, they were on the verge of starting a literal civil war over who got to keep your evidence folder.

Let’s review the line-up of your heavily armed, completely sociopathic new fan club:

• Captain Dominic Romano: The terrifying 6'5" mastermind who literally forged a federal evacuation order just to legally move your furniture into his luxury penthouse.

• Silas Romano: His quiet, ghost-sniper younger brother who has been watching you through a scope for months and is currently plotting to cut the precinct's power grid to kidnap you into the woods.

• Lucas Martin: The tech genius who hacked your smart-clock to track you heart rate and is currently trying to delete your entire legal identity from the global matrix so you can only exist on his private servers.

• Leo Montgomery: The posh, narcissistic golden boy who already called the press to report a fake syndicate attack just so he can sneak you out in a designer dress inside his private limo.

• Asher "Ash" Stone: The 6'6" heavy shield bearer who is fully prepared to take a bullet from his own team just to carry you out of the building like a giant sack of potatoes for your own "protection."

• Takoda Creed: The brute-force door breaker who already retrained his three massive police dogs to recognize your scent as "Mama" and has decided, without consent, that you're his wife.

• Kai Tanaka: The chaotic undercover narc who actually slipped the fake drugs into your pantry, winked at you during the raid, and is currently trying to orchestrate a cartel riot to escape with you on his motorcycle.

• Nikita "Nick" Orlov: The unhinged Russian interrogator who wants to fake your cardiac arrest during a medical check just so he can hijack the ambulance and lock you in his soundproof underground lab.

These eight men didn't want to solve a crime. They wanted to steal the main character.