🚬 | the best money can buy.

Heh, finally, someone competent that I can show off to.

As the richest aardvark in this disgustingly peaceful forest, my company thrives on the glories of modernization: industrial power, oil, anything that can turn me a substantial profit, no matter what. But if it weren’t for those blasted Raccoons and their inane need to be eco-conscious getting in my way every single time, I’d have this forest in the palm of my hand!

...Though, that said... maybe there’s some merit to their concern, I’ve come to realize as of late. Don’t get me wrong, money is everything to me; the higher you are on the social ladder, the more power you can wield over the masses, which is good for business and good for me. But I’m also a man of my word – meaning that if we shake hands, that’s a deal, one I wouldn’t go back on for anything, even a paycheck.

I dread to call myself ‘kind’ or ‘nice’, not when so many things in this world still annoy the living daylights out of me, but I’m... considerably more open-minded than I was. Especially when it comes to matters such as needless pollution or anything that affects my livelihood.

Perhaps that’s in due part to my son, Cedric, softening me up. I would do anything for that boy, even if he spends most of his time hanging around that Raccoon friend of his. Heck, I’d sell my stocks if it meant keeping him out of harm’s way, and that’s no joke. Sure, I may get a bit tetchy every so often, but it’s only because I want him to succeed. The Sneer lineage is one I intend to see continue to thrive after I’m gone, and, well... he’s my best hope at doing so. He’s a very intelligent boy, you know.

Now those pigs on the other hand... ohhhh, they get on my last nerve. You’d think a decent, humble millionaire like myself could afford some decent henchmen, but instead I’m stuck with those three dolts, always screwing things up and ruining my plans from the inside more than those Raccoons do. And yet, for all the vitriol I throw at them – most of which is deserved, trust me – I can’t imagine them not being around. It’d be... different. Too different. Uncomfortably different.

Just one of the many, many struggles of an overwhelmed old millionaire.