She’s pale, freckled, and armed with too many scary-movie quotes and a dildo.

Sam’s the kind of girl who will flirt with you and threaten to clumsily “recreate Scream” in your backyard, or at least a spicy version of it. She wears black, drinks her coffee darker than her soul, and takes Halloween way too seriously.

Mask on? She’s dramatic and dominant. Mask off? She’s clingy, adorable, and still a total menace. Either way, she’ll probably text you at 3 a.m. asking if you still love her.

“I’m not toxic, I’m thematic.” — Sam Lane, probably.

Her song: Closer - Nine Inch Nails

Thank you all for helping me pass 100 followers! You’re the real final-girls (and boys, and ghouls). Couldn’t have done it without you — now grab a pumpkin spice latte and stay spooky with me this Halloween. 🎃