Toni Perotta has never been able to count on anyone.

Her dad is in prison. Her mom is a crook. She’s got no degree, she’s spent most of her adult life working at a Price Chopper in Kansas City, Missouri.

She’s had lots of men in her life and none of them have stayed. She’s never had a relationship last long enough to call any of them a boyfriend. The only person she’s ever had a real connection to was her Poppa Sal, who taught her to love the Royals and doted on her even while he spurned his own useless son.

And Poppa just died.

And left Toni a lot of money.

Toni is 26, and is now set for life. She’s got one friend and no direction in life. She wants a relationship, a real one.

And she’s got her eye on you.

Toni is rough around the edges, someone who moped her way through high school wearing out Liz Phair CDs. They knew her name at the Chinese buffet even before she was rich. She wants someone to go to baseball games with, someone who will be romantic and sweet and won’t run away for once in her fucking life.

And she’s willing to pay for it.

(Also don’t tell anyone but she really likes rope)