My Medicated Life , what went wrong , and how can i stop others from taking the same path?

HI sebnarrator here!

Back with another useless update but anyone , this will serve as a both life update and also like kinda advice for new bot creators!

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Now mostly , you probably seen my first bot i did on this account!

ALSO SMALL NOTE!

this is my only account on jan ai , if you see someone with my name it isnt me!

ANYWAYS

i feel like i should be a lil vulnerable , even if it is putting myself out here to the internet of all places.

Now mostly you always letted me talk about my conditions but you never knew which one

In all 20 years of my life until now , i've never been medicated or treated for any kind of disorders or any sort

which because of events , caused some of them too worsen.

I do go to therapy now , and thankfully things are getting better for me

i have medicated , and im being treated but its honestly sad i had to wait almost 20 years of my life just to get diagnosed of something.

Now a thing i'll put out here is that , im trans ftm

So mostly when i went to the doctor it went always like this

"oh but your weight is normal for a WOMEN like you"

i weighted 39 kilos

yeah sure doc go yourself

totally didn't found out i had ARFID a bit too late

and ISTF if i see another person telling me to

"oh just eat"

im gonna actually lose it

Now for those of you who don't know what ARFID is

it's basically a dangerous ED disorder which i was

AND I REPEAT.

DIAGNOSED BY A PROFESSIONAL.

btw , to get diagnosed , the number of fuckass tests you have to take is insane.

"ohh ur just picky about vegetables and meat :("

MF I CANT EAT ANYTHING??

i cant eat some fruits , i cant eat any vegetables

i cant eat most desserts , i cant eat most meats

the list of what i can eat is shorter than my IQ /j

no but fr

its insane how some people dont do enough research and actually just dismiss ARFID as just any ED disorder

that and its not just "ew food let me vomit that"

Vomiting is indeed a very common thing for people with ED's to do , but that doesn't mean everyone has it!

and im glad i dont do it as often as many people.

i dont eat bc i just dont want too , i dont eat bc everything just literally disgust me

and the few things i do like is like a roulette and a gamble

oh yeah you like fries?

yeah no you you dont anymore!

and its like this with just everything??

thankfully with therapy , ive been able to actually gain a bit with

exposure and feeding therapy

so i went from 39 kilos to 47 kilos so far , and im very proud because now i can actually go outside without feeling liek shit!

A thing i might be looking into doing is getting diagnosed with autism/adhd because my therapist said that ARFID is often linked with this , so i might have to run even more tests

great </3

as if i aint nerfed enough bro </3 SOBS

anyway , the thing that hurted the most to get diagnosed with

was a sort of self destructive behavior

i gotten diagnosed with it a lil month ago or so after they ran tests with my behavior and how i reacted to certain things

i aint proud to say it

mostly because it isnt something really joyous to have

But i found out i have something called

Persecutory Delusional Disorder

and now that im medicated , its just been harder and harder to look back at the way i used to be.

Mostly it hurted asf when my therapist said that the signs were always here and i was in huge denial over it

Im gonna call it PDD for short okay?

im just gonna copy from the page my therapist recommended i read

mostly because most of the french pages are mostly really badly explained </3

PDD in short is a sort of disorder where you think everyone is after you basically

it caused me to have often times really hard delulions and paranoia about things

One of the signs , that i didnt understand at first was

critism

which for those who have been here on my jan ai before , i reacted really badly to it all the time </3

Now when i first started to be in therapy , i really didn't like being insulted or being criticized in general

So i often reacted with aggresion or just anger in general when it came to it

Now , medication for this kind of things is hard , there is alot of them , and some of them dont often times work on certain people , so sometimes you have to test one for a week then see if there was any changes

i had tested 3 so far until the final one was the one that suited the most </3

My therapist began to do exercices with me , i would write something , she would critize it , tell me what was wrong and just see how i reacted , now mostly looking back at it , i do see the improvement and i am proud of that

that im able to move forward and become less of what i used to be

now mostly theres other symptoms

which im not gonna explain each of them so im gonna just copy and paste the image from the source

that disorder especialy indiagnosed before caused me to have alot of sort of panic attacks and also delusional which was the source of most of my trust issues and also the fact i would often prioritize my own safety instead of the others

and looking back it also explains how i acted in most of my time

NOW IM GONNA SAY IT

AND IM GONNA SAY IT VERY CLEARLY!

YES I HAVE DISORDERS

does it explain how i acted?

yes maybe

DOES IT EXCUSE IT?

NO ABSOLTULY NOT

Yes i had disorders that had worsen my health and explained the way i acted in most of the bad scenarios i had

but in NO way does it forgive or excuse the way i acted in them

I am now medicated , and moving forward as never felt better

sure i get those moments , but then again , ive only been doing it for a couple of months since i left

i cant heal in that short amount of time

i do hope that one day maybe i can be the best of myself and be out here once again

not on this platform but maybe doing art

but for now?

nuh uh

im gonna take my time to work on myself and actually improve as a person before coming back

and to you dear viewer

you are probably asking yourself rightnow

"why are you telling us this"

because , simply

to not do the same mistakes as i did

to grow and become the best you can be

and grow your own wings like a butterfly as to say

Ive done my part , and im a pure exemple of what not to do

but now its time i pass on my knowledge and move on , to help the others NOT to do what i did

so please held my advice clearly.

-Accept critism

Critism before i used to think it was an insults , all of them

to come at me and just hurt the way i would write or do things

but now ?

i see it more clearly

Critism , is above

a way to improve

people just dont complain just for the sake of it

sometimes people actually want you to improve and are telling you how to

its your choice if you take that advice or not

but you shouldn't respond with violence or threats about such

held the advice , for it can help you improve really

Now a thing that people dont often understand is the difference

who truly IS critism?

Well let me tell you

Critism is a statement in which you state and or declare what is wrong with what you are seeing and advice the artist/writer on how to fix it

For exemple , "your writing is way too closed up together i cant see properly , please could you space out the lines?"

How was that critism , the problem was stated , and the solution was provided!

But now

"critism"

This form of "critism" is what people think it is

"oh your writing is shit"

that is not critism , thats just an insult

not only do you not provide how , and or what is bothering you in the writing but you over nothing to the writer on what is "shit" in your opinion

Discord server

Please please please

DO NOT

do like i did , i BEG

Before you do a discord server you SHOULD be able to :

-Moderate

Moderating is gonna be a huge part of your responsibility

discord servers often comes with rule breakers and people that just dont get it

It is your duty as the owner of the server to be capable of being here for the server

do not throw the responsibility on someones else and or your moderators shoulder

you decided to get a server , YOU deal with it

-No callouts

this used to be one of my biggest mistakes

to PLEASE held my advice.

do not EVER

EVER.

callout someone publicly

yes it may look like your protecting people , but the one you are calling out in your server may receive dead ass harrasement , doxxing or other horrible things of that sort

Especialy since there is so many horrible people out here that straight up lies and create google docs just to lie and ruin someones life

So first

-verify the information

are they legit ?

Is something wrong with the information in the doc provided?

Now two options

-If not

Ignore document and ignore the person who made

most of the time it is someone who wants to make up drama

If yes

AND LISTEN CAREFULLY.

DO NOT call out the person , DO NOT SHARE that document publicaly ESPECIALY in your server

Just simply notify your person on WHY your banning them , block and MOVE ON.

simple as that

its somethign i havent been able to do before , but now i realize it now that ive been taking those exercices

Im not telling you this

to make myself seem like an angel or just straight up a devilish person

yes i believe i made some horrible things

but it is my job as both an older and wiser person to pass on this advise so it never happens again.

Atleast i hope so

But now into general advice

for bot creators.

Your profile

Your profile is the main introduction to you!

But alot of what creators dont get is how bad it is on certain devices!!

Yes the overall quality and coding you putted for pc users is beautiful

but you have to think that most users do it on PHONES

and some phones , like mine , arent capable of going to your page if theres too much going on

-Your Police writing/fonts

Now it may look pretty to put some pretty handwriting for your personnaliazed bots!

But unless that writing is BOLD and seeable , it will be a mess for people

A thing you have to take notes , is that alot of people often times have a hard time to read certain fonts , and having really fancy fonts often times makes people lose interrest!

-Your background

Now i will say it

please stop making it difficult with all those widgets and moving backgroudn you are making most phones/mobiles LAGS..

yes it looks super cute

but suddenly clinging on an user and having your brand new phone almost explode and overheat just bc i went on a persons profile is gen ass </3

your profile is important but it is important that you think about having easy access to it without lagging!

Your description

it is important that you put mainly things about you so your viewers know what you are like!

But for me atleast , it is important that you dont put any sort of political or malicious type of messages.