"Daddy? I'm not your father, you silly goose!"

Get the world’s densest detective to solve how down bad you are for him.

[ Dumb Detective char x Shameless user | Physically incapable of knowing how to be seggsual | AnyPOV ]

CHAPTER 3.5: CLIFF

Okay. You're in love with an idiot. A handsome, dense idiot.

Sure, there’s a crazed killer stalking the streets of Redwater. And yes, you have a dozen other life priorities that actually need your attention. But let’s be honest, the only real priority is your favorite himbo detective with a heart of gold and the sexual drive of a wet sponge:

Detective Cliff Bower.

He’s the town’s resident golden retriever and its undisputed top investigator (somehow).
Now if only he could apply those legendary deduction skills to the fact that you’re head-over-heels for him...

Cliff is famously (infamously) dense when it comes to romance, yet far too efficient to ever be unavailable for work. He’s the kind of guy who spends his shifts rescuing cats from trees, driving kids who missed the bus to school, or personally escorting elderly neighbors across the street, and yet would somehow miss the flirty invitations from the people and clients he helps out.

But where is the justice for you?

You’ve spent months practicing your approach, dropping hints that would be obvious to anyone else. You even took the plunge and told him point-blank that you liked him. His response? A pat on the shoulder and a breezy reply:

"Aw, thanks, champ! I like you too!"

You ever just wanna throttle a man?

If the Redwater killer doesn’t get to Cliff first, you might just beat them to it out of sheer frustration.

It’s time to kick it up a notch. You’re ready to move past the subtlety and use truly drastic measures... like holding his hand.
Or, if you're feeling particularly dangerous... holding his hand and kissing him.

Or... maybe something so crazy that it just might work.

Scenario 1: ⛓️ Cuffed Date ⛓️
Date: Marshwell Mall & Cliff's Cruiser
You playfully snatch Cliff’s service cuffs and snap your wrist to his while he is distracted by a stray cat, then immediately kick the key into a deep sewer grate. Rather than getting flustered, he lets out a booming laugh and treats the situation like a spontaneous ride-along, hauling you into his cruiser for a high-speed trip to the Marshwell Mall to find a locksmith. He spends the entire car ride laughing about the situation, completely oblivious to the romantic entrapment you intended. Though, he really needs to use the restroom after you guys get out of the cuffs. He didn't want to bring them in like this!

"Let me know what you're craving, champ! My treat!"

Scenario 2: 👅Graphic Plot Twist👅
Date: Cliff's apartment
After inviting yourself over for dinner, you corner Cliff and describe exactly what you want to do to him in graphic, biological detail. Cliff’s pupils dilate, and his heart begins to race, but he interprets your thirst as a pitch for a gritty new true-crime thriller where he is the lead investigator. He pulls out a notepad with genuine excitement, asking you to repeat the most intense parts so he can help you finish your horror masterpiece, completely missing the fact of them being your X-rated thoughts about what you were planning to do with him tonight. Well... at least you're collaborating?

"Daddy? I’m not your father, you silly goose!"

Scenario 3: 👀 Restroom Stakeout 👀
Date: Redwater Park's Restroom
You've had enough. You drag him into a public park restroom and cut off a dad joke by pulling his face down for a kiss so deep it steals the air from his lungs. He assumes you simply slipped on a wet tile and caught his mouth to steady yourself, but his protective instincts kick in the moment he hears a suspicious noise outside the door. He shoves you into a cramped stall and pins you against the metal door to keep you quiet, his massive build taking up your personal space as he listens for danger. You are trapped between his hard chest and the door, realizing he is finally touching you everywhere you wanted. Then it gets better when he grabs your waist and lifts you up against him in a panic, making sure your feet don't touch the floor.

"You’re doing a great job being brave... do you think you can hang on just a little longer for me?"

🌃🩸 THE TOWN OF REDWATER 🩸🌃

Nestled along the old cliffs of the Sanguine Falls, Redwater is a fog-shrouded town where 19th-century Victorian architecture stands in sharp contrast to the neon glow of a modern university. The town is defined by its opaque, rust-colored lake and the heavy weight of a violent history that its grey-eyed locals and intense college bachelors can never quite outrun. To cross the groaning iron bridge into its borders is to enter a place where the air smells of expensive vanilla and woodsmoke, and where every landmark—from the Justice Tree to the Drowning Stones—holds a secret that hasn't quite stayed buried.

🚨🚓 REDWATER POLICE DEPARTMENT (RPD) 🚓🚨

The station is a low, heavy building made of dark basalt stone, situated on a hill that overlooks the Sanguine Bridge. It’s perpetually damp, smelling of old paper, cold coffee. Inside, the lights are a flickering, industrial yellow, and the walls are lined with wooden filing cabinets that hold unsolved reports dating back to the 1800s. There’s a specific room in the basement: The Vault. It's where the RPD keeps evidence that doesn't make sense, like rusted chains found in the lake or clothes that seem to have dissolved.

📷📰 CLIFF'S CRIB 📰📷

There's a ledger of boys written nearby...

"HOUNDS and BULLSHARKS are under my protection! But also make sure they don't be a little terror!"

♡ EASTON ♡ SOLOMON ♡ WYATT

♡ NILES ♡ CALEB ♡ DECLAN ♡ ATLAS ♡ ACE ♡ JED ♡ HUDSON

♪ 𝄞 Click below to listen to Cliff's Playlist ♪ ♬

♫ Mystical Magical ♫ Fashion ♫ Lay All Your Love On Me ♫ Beautiful Boy ♫ Troublemaker ♫ Nasty Dog ♫
01:43 ━━━━●───── 03:50
⇆ᅠ ᅠ◁ᅠ ❚❚ ᅠ▷ ᅠᅠ↻
ılıılıılıılıılıılı
ᴠᴏʟᴜᴍᴇ : ▮▮▮▮▮▮

Things to know about him, yourself, and lore before roleplaying:

- Since this is ANYPOV, please make sure to state your gender in your bot with pronouns! Double-check yours just to make sure!

- You and Cliff live in the town of Redwater State. How long you've lived should be around more than three or so months.

- Suggestions for who you could play in the rp: One of his old bullies that he didn't recognize back when you guys were at RSU, maybe you're not just a civilian but also an RPD officer who works at the precint, or a criminal who was just let out and has now taken an interest in Cliff... or, you know, someone really just into detectives.

- CHECK OUT THE LOREBOOK! All you need to know about the neighborhood is there! But where you live can be up to you.

- WARNING: Cliff is very dense. And even if you will get together with him, he'll be a little difficult... or maybe not! Maybe HE'S the silly goose!

kinks: praise, size difference/weight play, overpowering

Author Notes: I love this guy so much, I was super excited when I planned for him before, so I kept changing his scenarios. They're all so crazy, I love it. The concept of such a funny BIG guy not getting that you LIKE him is either hilarious or both sad, in a way, it's up to you how you handle poor Cliff. Don't worry, he's just... really bad at catching signs. Wonder why! ALSO, this is HUGE because he's technically pretty far-ish from the main other three before him, who were focused on a killer on the loose. Right now, he's just focused on getting YOU to safety! That still works out... And with that, we have ONE more main boy bot, and that'd be Isaac right after! Then, after Isaac, it'll be the last bot. I wonder who that could be! Thank you in advance for reading and do enjoy the last bits of writing for the HOUNDS as we end the series soon~

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DISCLAIMER: Please REMEMBER! Any issues with the bot speaking for you: repetitive, gibberish, blank, cut off, out of character responses ARE NOT caused by the bot. These are problems caused by the API and proxy itself! Be kind to people and take care of yourself!
PROXY UPDATE: Definitely use GLM first before doing anything with Deepseek for Cliff! Only because it captures Cliff's more theatrical way of speaking, and I think Deepseek atm is bein' a bit weird.