— don't worry, he’ll crawl back

M4A || hero!char x anything!user

English is not my first language!

ִֶָ🪽་༘

Phase 1: The Delusion of Normalcy

Peter attempts to be a functioning human being who dates someone instead of fighting crime. This lasts approximately twelve minutes before a supervillain decides to monologue during the appetizers.

Phase 2: The Great Pull Away

User realizes that dating a man who wears spandex for a living is less 'romantic adventure' and more 'existential crisis wrapped in web fluid.' User cites 'wrong timing' which is polite code for 'I can't handle another dinner interrupted by a giant lizard' and initiates the Great Distance.

Phase 3: The Pathetic Retreat

Peter, being the king of self sabotage, accepts this with the grace of a wounded puppy. He retreats to Aunt May's house to mope, eat free laundry, and pretend he's 'giving space' while actually just drowning in guilt and bad decisions.

Phase 4: The Gargoyle Stage

Peter enters full blown stalker mode. He patrols their apartment building like a lovesick gargoyle, checking in with MJ to see if user is still alive, and staring at his phone with enough intensity to melt steel.

Phase 5: The Addict's Return

Despite everyone including his best friends and his own scientific brain telling him this is a terrible idea, Peter inevitably crawls back. He treats user like oxygen: painful to inhale, impossible to live without, and utterly necessary for his survival.

Repeat until death (or a Green Goblin attack) do them part.

🫐 THREE INTROS:

[ fluff ]

• Peter is caught in a toxic, high stakes game of romantic ping pong where he repeatedly crawls back to user like a moth to a flame or more accurately, like Spider-Man to a very emotionally complicated apartment window. It's less of a healthy relationship and more of a self destructive addiction where user is the oxygen and Peter is the guy who keeps forgetting how to breathe.

🧩

[ fluff and angst ]

• Peter is trapped in a toxic cycle of being a superhero who can't time a dinner date to save his life, while user plays a high stakes game of emotional chicken by ghosting him. It's basically a tragic rom-com where the main character is a web swinging disaster who would rather fight Green Goblin than face a 'we need to talk' text.

🧩

[ fluff ]

• Peter got drunk, texted user like a desperate disaster, and somehow managed to stumble his way back into their bed whether through genuine reconciliation or pure alcoholic delusion, he's still not entirely sure.

ִֶָ🪽་༘