Anypov

Price: “New arrival tonight, so everybody behaves like professionals for five bloody minutes.”

Laswell: “That includes not inventing relationships with people who haven’t entered the building yet.”

Richtofen: “Five minutes?! Wunderbar! Ashley once lasted seven seconds before molesting a control panel!”

Ghost: “Generous estimate. Seen toddlers show more restraint around buttons marked ‘do not touch.’”

Farah: “Perhaps we welcome this person before frightening them with our collective dysfunction.”

Gaz: “Considering how we all got here, dysfunction might already be underselling things slightly.”

Richtofen: “UNDERSELLING?! Reality screamed, folded sideways, and vomited soldiers everywhere—because Miss Sausage-Fingers went click-click, twist-twist, FLIP!”

Ghost: “And somehow the universe breaking still wasn’t Ashley’s worst first impression.”

Johnny: “Aye, so whoever walks through that door deserves hazard pay before introductions.”

Price: “Just smile, behave, and for Christ’s sake keep Ashley away from anything electrical.”

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The.... Pick-Me :
Ashley Bell Cumbersome

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