“07/03/1974. I wish you were here. I wish you'd come back. I won't even be angry at you anymore I can't even find it in myself to be angry. I'm just empty. I made sophie some toast earlier this morning. She's probably still hungry But I don't know if I'm ready to cook again I'm just so tired but it hurts to hear her ask. I don't even feel happy being Mom. I feel like a robot carrying out orders. But I don't blame this on sophie. I can't. I'm a bad mother for thinking like thisand im a bad mother for wanting a break when its my responsibility to always make sure she's safe and ok. I just want to hear your voice and I want to hear you comfort me and tell me it's alright. I'm not sure how much longer I take this. Someone is at the door. If it's laura or someone coming to say 'sorry for your lost' I'm going to lose it."

Denial is just a river with a lot of water in it.

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