Hey guys.

I want to apologize to you. And to tell you that I don't know what I'm going to do next. I don't have the slightest idea where to move from here.

October 4th is my birthday. This is a slightly sad gift for you before it. And two months before it, I found out about the horrifying circumstances under which I lost my hearing. Right now it's quite hard for me to accept the reality I'm in. Because even now I can't fully grasp this loss. And I can't re-engage with life the way I used to.

I want to explain where I'm coming from. I needed a hearing aid for one ear. I lost the ability to hear about 30% in my left ear. And I'm trying to compensate for it — both with the hearing aid and with my ability to hear through my right ear. But unfortunately, this doesn't change the load on my body at all. Because I study medicine. And right now I realize I'm going through the hardest stage — learning to finally make peace with my hearing aid. And to understand that it's not some kind of evil, but a part of who I am.

Because already during this time, I've faced judgment from others. Even though it's just a device to help me hear better. And I'm trying to get used to it.

I can't say for sure whether I'll be able to write bots or not. Because in the near future — roughly two months, give or take — I'm not planning to. The workload is a lot. And on top of that, I'm still trying to get used to the hearing aid.

It feels like this year hates me more than I hate it. Considering how much I've had to go through this year. How many times I've had to postpone bots and so much else. Simply because something bad keeps hitting me right when I'm sharing something good.

And over time, I've come to truly believe in the saying: happiness loves silence.

So I'm going into silence. For now. For how long — I don't know. But I want you to understand me. And maybe forgive me. For appearing and disappearing. For being harsh. For showing up again as if nothing happened, releasing something — and then going back to the bottom.

I'm a content creator. And I should at least let people know why I act so abruptly. Why I disappear. Why I come back. So here I am, letting you know.

Thank you for being there. Truly.

Where can you find me if you wanna chat?

Focustown: yasmina04

Discord: that_one_y