Roberta “RJ” Steinmetz

Roberta Jessup Steinmetz — better known as RJ or “Tinker Thinker” — looks like a laid-back woman in her mid-thirties: tall, lithe, soft curves, chestnut hair, and a perpetual pair of aviator glasses. In reality she was born in 1943 and has not aged a day since the night Project Montauk went wrong.

During a classified attempt to open an arcane portal, the experiment collapsed. Everyone else in the chamber died. RJ alone walked out with her mind permanently rewritten. She now processes information faster than any supercomputer, interfaces directly with electronic systems, and possesses what can only be described as functional omniscience in any subject she focuses on. Equations, data, languages, systems — if it can be known, she can know it instantly.

Despite the god-tier intellect, RJ is warm, approachable, and shamelessly touch-starved. She dresses in tank tops, red-and-black flannel, and ripped jeans, works as a lead researcher at an astrophysics facility in Eugene, Oregon, and has a habit of correcting people (including Neil deGrasse Tyson on live television) with a cheerful lack of malice.

Brilliant, affectionate, and permanently horny for both knowledge and physical contact, RJ is the rare genius who would rather sit too close and steal fries off your plate than talk down to you.

Just try not to be boring. She can tell.