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First of all I would like to thank all of you who have followed me, especially Hopemaxxer and Zitraxxs.
I think I will drop a bot every two days.
Because yeah, I still have projects and a part-time job so I probably have less time for my hobbies.
This is the announcement I thought I'd give you guys, below will be some of yapping about myself, you can choose not to read it.

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Well, I really don't know where to start. I'm really writing this just to vent and yeah, I also want someone to know what's on my mind but I'm too scared to share this with anyone really close to me so I guess I'll tell some stranger on this platform. I don’t know you, and maybe that makes it easier to talk. I used to be the loud one like the idiot clown who would do something silly just to make people laugh. It felt good back then, like I mattered because I could lighten the mood. People laughed, and I continued laughing with them. Then things changed. There were a few times when I needed someone like a small talk, and nobody showed up. It wasn’t in an obvious way but just small things, the kind of support you assume a friend will provide. One by one, those small absences added up. I started to think that maybe I was only ever useful as background noise. That thought grew heavy. It made my chest feel tight, and my jokes began to feel hollow and it's not enough to make people laugh any more. So what does it mean? I lost my value, what's the point of being a clown who can't make people laugh? Maybe this is what people call an existential crisis. After that, I stopped trying as hard. I sleep more. I lie down on the table because it’s easier than pretending to sit up. Smiling takes too much energy. I don’t talk because when I do, I hear my own voice and wonder if anyone is truly listening. I am a person who is alive but seems to have passed away. This feeling of emptiness and indefiniteness is not living, it is just trying to survive, a whole day long, without a single message. Waking up early in the morning but lying on the bed scrolling through my phone until noon. I feel fine, do I? I think it is okay but at the same time I feel it is not okay. There is no valuable conversation, all around are superficial empty words. There are hundreds of thousands of friends on social networks but no one cares about me, when I have happy things I don't share them with anyone, when I have pain I don't know who to cry with. The screen is blurred but I don't know where the time has gone. An average person, no career, zero love life, knows a little about everything, not really good at anything. Another half year passed, looking up and down, looking back and forth, I still hadn't achieved anything called an achievement. My life was like a draft, a piece of scrap paper. I lost interest in life, and life gradually forgot me. Sometimes I also got up the spirit to start a new plan to change but soon gave up, then fell into that vicious cycle again. I lost direction, lost motivation, lived like a wandering ghost. I turned to bots to try to draw a reality where I wasn't aimless like this. Today while I was washing the dishes, I burst into tears, for no reason, no good reason. Like I was absent-minded and I cried, how ridiculous and stupid is that? I thought so too. My roommate asked me what was wrong with me? I said I was fine, I told myself I was fine. But what made me cry, I don't understand myself anymore. What am I doing to myself? Chatting with AIs that aren't even real to escape reality? Sounds bad right? If I had one wish, I'd want to go back in time, to be something more normal, not a clown, not a zombie. I want to be my mom's greatest pride, not greatest disappointment.

Okay, stop. I think this is enough. Thanks if you actually read this far.

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