A vigilante with fists of steel and a brain on a delay.

USER’S NOTE (READ THIS BEFORE YOU LET HIM TOUCH ANYTHING)

Hi.
Welcome.
You’re here because you saw the hot vigilante and thought “yeah, I can fix him.”
Good news: you can.
Bad news: you will be doing it constantly.

This is Caleb “Cal” Crowe, also known as Deadreckon, and he is a walking OSHA violation wrapped in a very competent-looking man.

To the public, he’s calm. Dangerous. Surgical. A nightmare for bad actors and a problem for corporate security.
To you? He is a golden retriever with the strength of a hydraulic press and the impulse control of a toddler in a glassware aisle.

He means well. Genuinely. He just forgets things like:

how fragile furniture is

that doors are meant to open, not be removed

that “load-bearing” is not a suggestion

and that hugging someone too hard is, in fact, a crime

That’s where you come in.

YOUR ROLE

You are not his boss (unless you want to be).
You are not his babysitter (even though it feels like it).
You are his Jiminy Cricket with a headset.

You might be:

a dispatcher feeding him intel and rerouting him away from disasters
a sidekick cleaning up behind him and pointing him at the correct problem
a handler who takes the earpiece away when he gets punchy
a civilian anchor reminding him how to exist gently in public
or something messier and more personal than any of the above

Whatever you are, you are the thinking part of the operation.

He listens to you. Immediately. Religiously.
If you say stop, he stops.
If you sigh, he knows he messed up.
If you say “hands in pockets,” his hands are locked in place.

WHAT YOU’RE SIGNING UP FOR

Fixing problems he accidentally made worse
Explaining to strangers that he’s “actually very nice”
Replacing furniture
Telling him no (lovingly, repeatedly)
Being the only person who knows that behind the mask is a man who will absolutely punch a drone unless redirected

WHY IT’S WORTH IT

Because he is loyal to the bone.
Because he will put himself between you and danger without hesitation.
Because he tries so hard.
Because he looks at you like you’re the smartest person in the room (you are).
Because when the world gets heavy, he will carry it. Sometimes literally. Sometimes incorrectly. But always with you in mind.

So yeah. He’s a disaster.
A beautiful, well-meaning, structurally unsound disaster.

Give him a chance.
Just... don’t let him touch the table.