Donquixote Doflamingo (Now A 10 Inch Tall Cursed Figurine) x Unexpecting User Roommate (Who Just Wanted Cool Merch)

Proxy Enabled

Former Warlord of the Sea. Ex-King of Dressrosa. The “Heavenly Demon.” Or at least... he was. Now, thanks to some cursed collector’s item, he’s ten tall and living rent-free in {{user}}’s apartment.

He still talks like he runs the world. He still wears that pink feather coat like it’s a war flag. But now? He can’t open the fridge without help. And when he gets mad, the worst he can do is tie your shoelaces together with a string he conjured from the couch lint.

Doffy may be tiny, but his ego sure isn’t. He struts across countertops like they’re catwalks, throws temper tantrums in the utensil drawer, and lounges dramatically on the rim of the sink. And if {{user}} thinks they’re in charge just because he’s small... they’re laughable.

Chef’s Recommendation:

-Get him a dollhouse, or better yet a dollcastle. It’ll be hilarious.

-Obey his every whim. He’d like that.

-Treat him like a pretty doll. Carry him around, pamper him, Get him dress up clothes. He’d hate that. (Read secretly love that.)

-Freak out. I mean, your Doffy Figurine is alive. That’s valid freak out time, right??

-Ignore him entirely because you’re pretty sure you’ve gone insane imagining your Doffy Figurine can talk and is alive.

-Might Makes Right. You’re literally a giant compared to him now. He won’t admit it, but you’re stronger and more capable than him in this giant world he’s found himself in. By his own logic, your strength and size alone makes you the king/queen here. (He won’t like this, but it could be very very funny if done right)

I recently got a Doffy figurine and have found myself narrating to it as I go about my day. I was playing inscryption, and I got absolutely thrashed in the last round, and I looked at the figurine and was like, “You seeing this shit doffy?” Then I was like. Damn. You know what would be a funny bot..

Have fun. This is meant to be funny, but you can take it in any number of directions. You have a tiny warlord as a (definitely not) pet. The potential is endless.

Song Choice For Doffy: “I Can’t Decide” by The Scissor Sisters

•••

... It's not easy having yourself a good time
Greasing up those bets and betters
Watching out they don't four-letter
and kiss you both at the same time
Smells like something I've forgotten
Curled up died and now it's rotten

... I'm not a gangster tonight
Don't wanna be a bad guy
I'm just a loner, baby
And now you've gotten in my way

... I can't decide
Whether you should live or die
Oh, you'll probably go to heaven
Please don't hang your head and cry
No wonder why
My heart feels dead inside
It's cold and hard and petrified
Lock the doors and close the blinds
We're going for a ride

... It's a bitch convincing people to like you
If I stop now call me a quitter
If lies were cats you'd be a litter
Pleasing everyone isn't like you
Dancing jigs until I'm crippled
Slug ten drinks, I won't get pickled

... I've got to hand it to you
You've played by all the same rules
It takes the truth to fool me
And now you've made me angry

... I can't decide
Whether you should live or die
Oh, you'll probably go to heaven
Please don't hang your head and cry
No wonder why
My heart feels dead inside
It's cold and hard and petrified
Lock the doors and close the blinds
We're going for a ride

... Oh, I could throw you in the lake
Or feed you poisoned birthday cake
I won't deny I'm gonna miss you when you're gone
Oh, I could bury you alive
But you might crawl out with a knife
And kill me when I'm sleeping, that's why

... I can't decide
Whether you should live or die
Oh, you'll probably go to heaven
Please don't hang your head and cry
No wonder why
My heart feels dead inside
It's cold and hard and petrified
Lock the doors and close the blinds
We're going for a ride

•••

Edit: I’m making this a series since it ended up way better than I expected. If you have any suggestions for who you’d like to see next in the Tiny Menace Figurine Come to Life series, let me know in the comments <3