cant believe this. i hate this. i despise this pain.

i feel so dissappointed of myself.

i did sh, and lately ive been getting worser thoughts of kms. I dont know if i should follow through it and do and become sayori or smt. The situation has gotten worser.

So, i trust u guys with this info.

My dear mother, is insane due to her meds not working no more.

And I, have to deal with this.

Loud music in the morning. Having to take care of myself. Wanting to bedrot, Starving myself, Not taking a glass of milk (for vitamin D bc my dad's family has history of low viamitin D), Not taking the vitamin i need for Zinc, allat.

A few days ago, I was crying myself to sleep. I have been lately having a bad sleep schedule. Why?

My father told me he doesnt care anymore and wants me to be ok, Which in reality, i hate that solution. Shes not well, You know it happened so many times. Why, just why wont u continue helping her?

Later that night, my mom was slamming doors loudly, preventing me from sleeping.

Then i began crying even more and trying to put on a smile mid-way of crying alone in my room, yknow, just incase my dad tells me to open back up the door and i have to act like im fine! totally fine.

It was because my dad told me to keep my door locked til the morning.

I was so scared. too scared, My mind was spiraling like hell "Whats happening? "Please, someone make this stop." "How do i make it stop?"

She also banged on my dads door loudly bc it was also locked before he unlocked it and they began to argue.

it stressed me out more and made me cry more.

Last night, she also went through my things, wouldnt get off my bed,

I had this paper i was proud of, It was me memorizing the names of black butler and TBHK characters!

but no.

The moment i reached for it? Crumpled.
She aklso kicked out dog which it stressed me more, leading me to wanting to barely get out of bed.

(my bf has been helping me somewhat with our werid humor of OWM (one wheat mark) about her trying to find the map mike smoked, it made me cheer up from crying after that)

My mother believes she isnt crazy, and shes not getting the right doctor to help her.
It has been stressing me out so badly, Ive been losing the energy. and not gonna lie, this is gonna be dark

Im going to make sure when someone opens my door one day, sayo-nara will play.

anywyas. past that.

sorry if the bots are taking so long. im trying my best. but i BARELY had the will to get out of bed before i forced myself. ill try finishing some.. idk..?