This isnt a bot

TW: implied stuff

Um heyy guys, does anyone actually remember me? I don't think most people do - if I mentioned kaidou shun would that help? Yeah okay I'll get to the point - I've been gone, for ages

Okay I just checked, last time that I posted was the 23rd of february! Sorry guys I didn't realise it was so long...

I know I'm not some super popular creator on this app and that I could probably start posting again and no one would realise, and after looking through my notifications I didnt see anyone realise that I was gone anyways besides my irl friend 😭😭😭. Thats a totally good thing tho! I'm glad I didnt make anyone worry!!! I DID SEE THO - my bots have somehow rised sm in popularity! One of my bots is even close to 10k messages 🥳!! but anyways I'm feeling emo so I'll explain my absence - it gets a bit dark tho so if you don't like reading stuff like that then stop reading here💕

Okay actually before that a little backstory - at first when I started writing bots I was doing it to take the piss... I thought it was funny to write about kaidou falling over in the ice rink! And it was! I wasn't writing for a whole crowd of people to read it, it was just a measly thing I did to pass time when I was bored and it wasn't like I was ashamed of what I had written so I made the bots public!

I didn't start taking it seriously until my 9th bot and yes I did just count my bots IDK ON THE TOP OF MY HEAD OKAY?? When I was working on my 9th bot which for more clarification is the one where kaidou pranks user by pretending to break up with them and its titled "too far" or smth. So yeah when I was working on that bot I suddenly decided to take this seriously and I kept writing and writing and rewording and everything and it took like a few hours probably, I'm not sure how long it took but I DO remember passing out after publishing it.

I was actually kinda proud of that bot when I first published it, I haven't read it in a while and there's definitely stuff I would change but the jist is I was proud! But life is kind of funny like that because on that same bot I got my first "hate comment" - but Idk if it was even a hate comment or not? I genuinely cant tell it they intended to be rude or not but at the time I perceived it that way - in the character bio I had copy and pasted the intro message and the person commented "is that long ass thing the intro message?" - YES IT WAS A RLLY LONG MESSAGE BUT STILL. And it shouldn't have affected me but it did because I'm pathetic and a people pleaser and I worked so hard on that and was really proud of it!!

BUT ANYWAYS im waffling so im gonna try stop but I cant bc waffling just is my thing. After that comment I was still taking bots seriously and all but I was super scared that they werent good enough or funny enough or that they were too long ofc. I started stressing tf out over these fuckass bots. I wrote and wrote and rewrote and then proofread and it's a lot okay I'm not even being paid for ts 😭 if all that still doesn't seem a lot then I'll just say I used to post everyday for a while and I would also start writing 2/3 bots at the same time 🥺 Anyways I think most if not all of my comments after that were super nice and it made me SOO happy and the brief interactions I had with some people on here were super cutee 💕 but I couldn't stop worrying no matter how much positivity I got and it didn't help that at the time my bots had barely any chats- they have quite a lot now but trust me they didnt at the time I promise!!

OKAY IM STILL WAFFLING OMFG. Okay lemme just skip to the point - why was I gone? I was depressed and burnt out and tired asf and a bunch of other things!! You can stop reading ts emo shit now but if you want more of an explanation then you can keep going 💕

First of all - this is NOT a cry for empathy or wtv, I'm just speaking my truth 😭 anyways back to what I was saying earlier I was spending ages on these fuckass bots and I was already scared that they were bad and nobody liked them but then I started doing requests and that made me worry more that I disappointed the person who requested or did it wrong or it wasnt good/funny enough etc. On top of that - I have a life outside or j.ai to deal with!! School exams made me want to rip my hair out. I also know a lot of people who aren't very nice to me. I'm also kinda the 'therapist' of the friendgroup or however you call it and I was also scared of letting them down plus I felt responsible for their problems somehow. I ALSO dated a boy and he treated me badly but im still friends with him and I still have feelings for him even after the way he treated me. So overall 2026 wasn't so good for me. I did some things I'm not super proud of but that was months ago now I'm fine now so pls dont worry!! I dont wanna talk more about it but what I would like to say is that Im sorry. I'm sorry if anyone actually liked my bots and missed me, im especially sorry for the people who requested bots and I never finished them, I dont know if those people even want me to finish those requests anymore, but I will anyways bc its the last I can do.I dont know how many requests there are as I havent looked since february, but I will still do them and post new bots however this time on my own terms, meaning they may take a while.

If you read this far then tysm 💕

Im going to bed after I post this bc it's 2am (kinda ironic) so bye bye!! See ya when I post next 💕