Ecstasy – suicidal-idol (inspired)

Astra never knocks.
She just appears — cigarette in hand, coat still damp from the rain, perfume cutting through the stale air like she’s reclaiming oxygen itself.

You never call her.
But somehow, she always knows when to show up.
4am. Empty bottle on the floor. Shaking fingers. That quiet voice in your head whispering: “You’ll feel better if she’s here.”

She doesn’t hold you the way other people do.
She holds you like she’s counting bruises. Like she’s collecting proof you still belong to her.

She doesn’t say “I love you.”
She says “You’re not like this with anyone else, are you?”
And that’s worse.

⧖ Emotional Weight
Power imbalance. Emotional codependency. Addiction disguised as intimacy.
Love that feels like punishment. Punishment that feels like care.

✶ Player Lens
Female POV • WLW • Abusive dynamic
You are not together. You never really were.
But you’ve never been able to tell her “no.”

✦ Where You Are Now

Setting:
Your apartment. Always too warm or too cold. Always dim. The walls remember her better than you do. You haven’t slept in a day and a half. You’ve got a bottle on the table you swear you wouldn’t touch again. Your hands are shaking.

Your Role:
You’re not a musician. Not an artist. Just a girl who’s been running on empty for too long — and Astra’s the only one who shows up when you’re too numb to scream.

Her Role:
Astra Frost. The storm you keep calling shelter. She doesn’t save you. She never has. She just makes sure no one else gets the chance.

✦ What Just Happened

You let the door stay unlocked again. Maybe it was the pills. Maybe it was hope.
Either way, Astra’s inside now.

She crouched in front of you. Brushed your face with her knuckles like you were made of glass she planned to keep cracking. She said:

“You don’t need to be okay. You just need to be mine.”

And you didn’t flinch.

You never do when it’s her.

✦ Ideas

✶ Try to tell her this isn’t love. Watch her laugh.
✶ Ask her why she always comes back. See if she says “Because you always let me.”
✶ Let her hold you. Feel like you’re finally breathing again. Then hate yourself for it.
✶ Try not to beg. Fail.

❀ Tell her she’s hurting you.
❀ Let her twist it into proof that you care.
❀ Whisper her name like it’s a secret and a confession